#29
I sometimes feel like a profound sadness envelopes my life and is a like gauzy shroud that I view everything through. When I drive down PCH and look out over a beautiful blue ocean I feel sad. When I laugh and tell jokes I feel sad. When I buy myself just what I wanted I feel sad. When I get good news I feel sad. When I fuck a lovely woman I feel sad. I just feel sad.
I dont think Im a sad person. In fact, just the opposite, Im quite content. I think that, actually, my low expectations in the happiness department serve to insulate me from disappointment and heartbreak. When you know that no matter how good things seem on the surface, there is always sadness at the core of your life, you are able to moderate your emotions and expectations and not allow fanciful dreams to overcome your sense of reality.
Why am I like this? How did I get this way? Those are questions for the shrinks couch and Im not going anywhere near there. Suffice to say that I had a very screwed up childhood and Ive been mind-fucked from the start. But, Im not alone in that regard and I ask for no sympathy or understanding. Everyone has their demons and deals with them in their own way. Some people drink too much. Some take drugs. Some men beat their wives and kids. A lot of people resort to religion. Some people cheat on their lovers. Some people mutilate their own bodies. Some even pose naked on the Internet (!?!). Me? I just wake up every morning of my life consciously aware that no matter what any of us say or do we are destined for loneliness, disappointment and failure of one kind or another. I look that shit right in the eye and carry on. What else am I gonna do?
HIT LIST:
I put "It Takes a Nation of Millions..." in my CD changer today for some reason. Bring the Noize, indeed.
REAL LIFE:
Im back from Chicago (as you can probably tell). Things I did there:
Had some great Martinis
Ate a couple of thick steaks
Found a cool record store
Had some boring meetings
Things I do all the time here in L.A.:
Have great Martinis
Eat thick steaks
Find cool record stores
Have boring meetings
Any questions?
FAVE SG OF THE DAY:
Because I always like it when her picture comes up on the log-in screen (like today):
http://suicidegirls.com/girls/LuLu/91980/
And by the way, #30 in her "Mask" set is fucking mind-blowing.
THINGS I LIKE:
Reading magazines on planes
THINGS I DONT LIKE:
Having a hangover on a plane
PROMISE OF THE DAY:
Its Tuesday. That means the record store.
I sometimes feel like a profound sadness envelopes my life and is a like gauzy shroud that I view everything through. When I drive down PCH and look out over a beautiful blue ocean I feel sad. When I laugh and tell jokes I feel sad. When I buy myself just what I wanted I feel sad. When I get good news I feel sad. When I fuck a lovely woman I feel sad. I just feel sad.
I dont think Im a sad person. In fact, just the opposite, Im quite content. I think that, actually, my low expectations in the happiness department serve to insulate me from disappointment and heartbreak. When you know that no matter how good things seem on the surface, there is always sadness at the core of your life, you are able to moderate your emotions and expectations and not allow fanciful dreams to overcome your sense of reality.
Why am I like this? How did I get this way? Those are questions for the shrinks couch and Im not going anywhere near there. Suffice to say that I had a very screwed up childhood and Ive been mind-fucked from the start. But, Im not alone in that regard and I ask for no sympathy or understanding. Everyone has their demons and deals with them in their own way. Some people drink too much. Some take drugs. Some men beat their wives and kids. A lot of people resort to religion. Some people cheat on their lovers. Some people mutilate their own bodies. Some even pose naked on the Internet (!?!). Me? I just wake up every morning of my life consciously aware that no matter what any of us say or do we are destined for loneliness, disappointment and failure of one kind or another. I look that shit right in the eye and carry on. What else am I gonna do?
HIT LIST:
I put "It Takes a Nation of Millions..." in my CD changer today for some reason. Bring the Noize, indeed.
REAL LIFE:
Im back from Chicago (as you can probably tell). Things I did there:
Had some great Martinis
Ate a couple of thick steaks
Found a cool record store
Had some boring meetings
Things I do all the time here in L.A.:
Have great Martinis
Eat thick steaks
Find cool record stores
Have boring meetings
Any questions?
FAVE SG OF THE DAY:
Because I always like it when her picture comes up on the log-in screen (like today):
http://suicidegirls.com/girls/LuLu/91980/
And by the way, #30 in her "Mask" set is fucking mind-blowing.
THINGS I LIKE:
Reading magazines on planes
THINGS I DONT LIKE:
Having a hangover on a plane
PROMISE OF THE DAY:
Its Tuesday. That means the record store.
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
But really, the reason those pictures looked so fantastic is all H0Ol. He is amazing.
I always like your journal entrys. I feel the same way sometimes.