rexx

soooo update time. its been awhile.

had big party at the house last night,
so i'm currently being hungover amidst the scent of stale beer and cigarette smoke. (awesome.)

i get to go home in a week and a half and i am so fucking excited.
pittsburgh is great and everything and i love my friends here but i'm so over it by now. richmond is definitly calling me right now, can't wait to move back there in may. its coming up pretty fast so i guess i should get my act together and stop drinking and smoking all of my paychecks so i can get a car and a place by that time. i have horrible spending habits.

anyone have a solution for this that doesn't mean i have to cut down on my alcohol intake?
:-)

something is definitly missing in my life but i can't figure out what it is. things are good. i'm just sick of working every fucking day and doing the same shit with the same people all the fucking time. its like everyone is too lame to go out or do anything fun anymore. and its so damn cold i don't even want to go outside half the time, if it can be avoided.



i know that i usually make horrible decisions when it comes to relationships, which is why i'm going on 2 years of being single. which is fine because being a bit of a wild child they weren't really working out too well because i always pick guys who are too much of a fucking pussy to handle and keep up with me.

maybe its winter thats making me want a relationship, but i don't think so. met some awesome people lately and am in a little bit of a bind and i'm not sure what to do. so i'm refusing to take any action at all as of this point so that i don't make the wrong decision as always. its like everytime i meet someone, i meet someone else at the same time. why the fuck does this happen? i don't know who to trust, or if i'm even capable of trusting anyone. thats one fault of mine that i definitly need to work on. my independence is one of my best qualities but i feel that it is often one of my downfalls as well. especially when it comes to relationships.

shit is wierd right now. i hate being in this position because i havn't met anyone in so long that has grabbed my attention and now that i have, i havn't the first clue what to do about it. i'm not a complete heartless bitch, but when someone comes along that i actually find myself completely infatuated with that i could possibly do something with rather than drinking and sex....i don't even know waht to do about it. its been a year since anyone has even come close to doing it for me. what i hate even more is that i don't even know if this is reciprocated. i'm sick of being chased after by these fucking pussy ass morons who don't give up despite my complete lack of interest and without giving them the slightest glimmer of hope of a relationship. but when i actually meet someone i dig, i never know what the fuck is going on. and i refuse to be vulnerable and usually end up screwing it.



fuckkkk, i hate this. its been killing me for the past 2 months. throw me a fucking bone. i can take rejection but i can't take not having a clue what is going on. and i'm sick of wasting my time.

well anyways i hope everyone had a lovely weekend, i certainly did. enjoyed my one day off today, tomorrow its back to the daily grind....fabulous.

<3Heather

oh yeah!!! got my half sleeve worked on a bit more the other day. ch-ch-ch-check it!