So Im sitting here feeling like i have something to say, yet i have no idea what to write.
Yesterday I went out to dinner with a girl that was breaking up with her boyfreind, i will be honest I used to have the hots for her. Now its not so much the hots as attraction and a high opinion of her, as well as she really is kewl. So at the end of the night, i kiss her, and i have no idea if she liked it, or if she didnt.
The end result is that in any case, she wants to fly solo, I can understand that, she deserves that. I also know i have no right to ask for anything from her. Yet i still want to ask.
Maybe I have been alone for too long, or maybe like a guy drowning in an ocean of people that i feel no physical and/or emotional chemistry with I have gone and found myself a log that is floating in it with me. A log of a girl that is kick ass, sexy, and fun and i find myself wanting to explore that, I guess its human.
Man that is a term that I wouldnt have used to describe myself, at least not for a long while. I have been superhuman or subhuman for so long.
Yet this is probably frightening to anyone other than me, feeling this intensely, this fast. Its not that I am in love, I am not in lust either. I am just plain enthused, and enthused is a BIG improvement for me. Now I know what your saying, "Wow, he is ENTHUSED, big whoop. Let me describe my enthused. Thousands of ideas, plans, and fantasies flying through my head, a fire hotter than a fucking sun in my chest, and that strange excitement that makes the hairs on your arms and back tingle as if electricity is running through you. Yet on the outside i sit with a poker face, i keep a calm, composed, and cool demeanor. I am ice, a fire burning inside ice.
I have been existing for so long, and now i actually, feel alive and more dead than ever. Alive with excitement, and dead with the fact that my reality is that of a man alone. And yet i know that if i want anything with this girl then I am going to have to play the friend card like crazy till she comes around and feels like dating again. And even then, there is the chance that we wont work out together, or she wont want to go out with me. Oh well, such if life, i guess a kewl freind is better than nothing, but man this is annoying, having to be me, the guy that can control his bloody impulses and yet has fucking insane and intense impulses. Some would even call me masochistic with the level of pain i endure just holding back.
Yesterday I went out to dinner with a girl that was breaking up with her boyfreind, i will be honest I used to have the hots for her. Now its not so much the hots as attraction and a high opinion of her, as well as she really is kewl. So at the end of the night, i kiss her, and i have no idea if she liked it, or if she didnt.
The end result is that in any case, she wants to fly solo, I can understand that, she deserves that. I also know i have no right to ask for anything from her. Yet i still want to ask.
Maybe I have been alone for too long, or maybe like a guy drowning in an ocean of people that i feel no physical and/or emotional chemistry with I have gone and found myself a log that is floating in it with me. A log of a girl that is kick ass, sexy, and fun and i find myself wanting to explore that, I guess its human.
Man that is a term that I wouldnt have used to describe myself, at least not for a long while. I have been superhuman or subhuman for so long.
Yet this is probably frightening to anyone other than me, feeling this intensely, this fast. Its not that I am in love, I am not in lust either. I am just plain enthused, and enthused is a BIG improvement for me. Now I know what your saying, "Wow, he is ENTHUSED, big whoop. Let me describe my enthused. Thousands of ideas, plans, and fantasies flying through my head, a fire hotter than a fucking sun in my chest, and that strange excitement that makes the hairs on your arms and back tingle as if electricity is running through you. Yet on the outside i sit with a poker face, i keep a calm, composed, and cool demeanor. I am ice, a fire burning inside ice.
I have been existing for so long, and now i actually, feel alive and more dead than ever. Alive with excitement, and dead with the fact that my reality is that of a man alone. And yet i know that if i want anything with this girl then I am going to have to play the friend card like crazy till she comes around and feels like dating again. And even then, there is the chance that we wont work out together, or she wont want to go out with me. Oh well, such if life, i guess a kewl freind is better than nothing, but man this is annoying, having to be me, the guy that can control his bloody impulses and yet has fucking insane and intense impulses. Some would even call me masochistic with the level of pain i endure just holding back.
VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
tamari:
I have 120 hours invested and at least half was dedicated to Blitz......stupid addicting side games.
epithet:
Awesome, I hope things go well with this new one. It's nice when you don't feel rushed.