ravensfeather

well, i feel like crawing in a hole or my closet and laying there for a long time... my boyfriend broke up with me last night....and im really crushed because i love him so much...he stated out telling me how he cant live here with me having these anxiety problems and the such...and then telling me that he wanted to be single right now...which lead to me crying on the bathroom floor for 45 minutes...i ripped my heart out to him telling him how i felt about him, that when i thought about him with someone else it hurts inside so much, and he told me that he didnt feel the same about me... i literally shattered right there....i think pieces of me are still laying under the toilet and around the sink...then we end up holding each other with me balling, and him telling me how he is so sorry and he didnt know i really loved him this much (how could you not!?
with all the love i fucking give you) and how he dosent want to lose my friendship or for me to move back home, i dont think i can stay here tho...it is too hearing him, seeing him, smelling him... i dont know what to do, i just dont know!!!!!!!!! im going fucking crazy inside....i just dont understand how he dosent love me...how he could show so much love, but not love...what the fuck...and then last night after it all he talks me into sleeping in the same bed with me, with his arms wrapped around me...its like he wants to be single so he can have that freedom but be able to come home and have me....well we all know you cant have your cake and eat it....he has opened me up so much, cast away my shell and made me for once in my life actually look in the mirror and like myself...so how can this happen? i mean, i never thought that we would be together forever, im not that optimistic, but i just thought it would be longer than this....and that it wouldnt end like this...that feeling i got when i looked into his eyes and he told me under a full moon that he loved me...i really thought that he ment it, that he really wanted to work on a relationship together, i just really thought that i ment something, and i do mean something, but not that something that i want to be....the more that i want to be...just sucks... im so so so not happy....im so depressed...oh goddess....