quigbycash

i'm thinking back to a year and a half ago.
thinking of when i was new to being on my own
and i truly was on my own.
no friends.
i didn't think i was okay then.
i sat in my room alone all night
and cried most of the time.

but yesterday, sitting alone, not having a soul to call,
i realized that i was okay, and i am okay.
and it will be okay.
it always was.

the real ones [friends] would have told me.
the real ones would have talked to me
rather than pretend i didn't exist.
real? i don't know really what it means anymore.

my landlord threw out everything i had in the house.
all of my clothes. all of my books.
all of my years of collected james dean memorabilia.
my favorite teddy bear that ive had for almost twenty years.
everything. its all gone.
in the same night, i found out my boyfriend cheated on me with a friend.
and my best friend knew and didn't tell me.
and that nobody wants to talk to me, even though i feel i should be the one upset.
and i feel desensitized to it all.
i can't even cry. thank you, lexapro.

new job, new place, new people.
that's fine by me.
it really is.