prettyb0y

Oops, better update or else I'll loose my SG addiction (look at my Dec 2003 to Mar 2005 journal jump to see the side effects of SG withdrawal.)

I've been Mr. Workaholic, as of late. I know why. Monday was the 26th anniversary of my father's death. You know how they say, "You're grieving now, but it will get better with time" LOL That's a lie. It doesn't go away. It doesn't get better; just more manageable. So yeah, I've shed some tears lately.

I'm lucky really. He knew he was dying, so he went out of his way to spend uber amounts of time with me. We'd talk about everything. Sometimes, he would just be talking to himself (reflecting in his final hour) and I would just listen. In elementary school, my teachers always complimented me on being able to carry on a conversation like on adult (They didn't realize how much that compliment hurt). By the time he died, we weren't just father and son; we were friends. I'm glad I can say we had that connection, but it makes the sense of what might have been so mush more palatable. I didn't loose a father; I lost MY father. He would have been such a huge impact on my life (and has been even in death).

Ex-girlfriends have said I live in his shadow. Jealous bullshit. I don't live in his shadow; I live in the glow of his adoration. I lost my father; not his love. On his deathbed, instead of thinking "Woe is me", he was thinking "Will my family be okay without me? He died thinking of me and my family; not of himself. That kind of love doesn't die. He passed his love on to me and now I carry it with me. Maybe someday, I'll have a child of my own and I'll be able to pass it on to them. Yes, I'm one lucky b0y to have that as an inheritance.

But then what do I know?

Speaking of the love of a parent. One of my exes' girlfriends got into the whole angel movement (the mystical one's; not BtVS's Angel) She kept trying to make me say "I believe" and kept going on about a being of pure love would be so gentle. I said, "Haven't ever heard 'The most dangerous place in the world is in between a mother and her child'? If there are beings of pure love, they may be gentle but they'll have one hell of a right cross!" That shut her up.

So, who do you love the most? (and yes, pets count)
Who loves you the most? (and yes, pets count)
Do you believe in angels? (and yes, pets... oh... nevermind... unless... Look a kitty angel!!!)