Hmmmmm wish I had some really great words of wisdom, I don't, however, don't think that this current situation is permanent. Because it's not, remember you will get your second wind. Sometime, somewhere.... just believe that you will.......
I recently came out of one of those deep dark places myself. They've come and gone, and come and gone, and come and... sooooooo many times in my life--and I've got more than a few years on you, darlin'. The best I can offer as advice is: soldier on. I've found that, sometimes, all of a sudden - the dark clouds miraculously, inexplicably, part - and there you are looking at blue sky again. Clarity. Breath.
I hope, in time, that a solid goal comes to mind. For me, that's what's kept me constantly pushing against and through those rough goddamn patches. To go to school aimlessly... Yeah, what's the point? You have to want something. Desire makes us fierce.
I understand. I've been both very rich and very poor in life. It's really hard to make that swing sometimes. I am still dealing with life a I knew is ending. I was in denial for quite a while too, which is what's made it last this long. My marriage of 11 years ended. Three years later, I'm in the beginnings of getting my life going back in a positive direction.
...I could let you know what I'm doing, except I won't do it without knowing you want my input. I'm sure you're tired of unasked for advice.
I totally know where your comming from i made a promise that this year is going to be my year the year that i actually get myself together get my career started or a skill and hopefully along that journey find that right girl for me i'm struggling as well i use to be on top of things then seems like i get the bad end of the stick everywhere i go i'm suspended from my job right now because of some bs that my boss doesn't understand and i feel like he is going to fire me idk but my point is that we can sit here and keep getting pushed on letting life make the decisions for or we can take one step at a time till we reach our goals its hard but every baby step counts. I know its hard keeping the emotions together and realizing what your going to do but some things are better than nothing and i believe that you can do it make this year your year as well make that difference.
ever thought going to talk to someone? I know money is tight for you right now, but there are some places (community health centers for example) that will provide you services for a lessened price...and I don't know if you have health insurance, but a lot of insurances will cover charges for therapy. I hope things start to look up. I completely can understand the feeling, but when you are so far down, the only place you have left is to go up right? chin up lady.
First you stop causing a landslide emotionally and mentally...stop your thoughts and focus on one thing at a time. When you allow everything to flood in like a waterfall that's when you get to the point you're at mentally. Oh yeah, tomorrow is another day sounds lame as shit but its true. My advice to you isn't that it will all work out or it will be better etc etc, it will be shit and difficult and heart wrenching and a pain in the ass, BUT, if you concentrate and focus on one thing at a time and NEVER give up, I mean NEVER, no matter what the outcome is you will always be better off than you were because you did your best. have a snack, brush your teeth and go to bed wake up early and start a simplistic/realistic plan and stick to it. Trust a stranger, I know what I'm talking about. I remember what it's like to have the world ahead of you and no matter what still feel as you do...it's a very lonely place to be, but you are never alone, it just feels that way.....and one other thing...just breath.
Well then dont, dont get another job, not one that you will not like that pays bad anyway, just dont, work for the unemployment and get it, then just work on getting a shop together, some kind of business that you would like to have, that is what Im doing, Im laid off right now and Im going to try to start a business out of where I live, that way when they call me back I will go long enough just to get a house lone and then quit, because I, like you, do not want to work at a job I hate.
You have only failed if you do not try, you will not get where you want to be in a couple of weeks, maybe not in a year, but you keep working at it and one day it happens, if you really want it bad enough it will happen, its not like you are asking for something big, you are not trying to be a queen, you are going after something that you really want and it is something that cane be gotten if you work hard at it, I have been where your at, I worked in a job that I hated more then anything for 3 years so I could get my debts paid off, I have done that now, it took me 4 long years to get there, I didnt do things I wanted to do or buy things I wanted to buy because of that debt, now Im free.
Just remember you just lost your job not to long ago, it takes a while to get things back together, it just doesnt come to you, you have to work for it and it will not come to you in just a couple weeks, it may take months.
All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in the rain.
-Rutger Hauer, Blade Runner.
We enjoy warmth because we have been cold. We appreciate light because we have been in darkness. By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness.
-David Weatherford
"You never see the most significant things that are happening in your life while they are happening"
-Field of Dreams-
"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists. It is real. It is possible. It is yours."
-Ayn Rand-
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step
"Desperation is a necessary ingredient to learning anything, or creating anything. Period. If you ain't desperate at some point, you ain't interesting"
~Jim Carrey
"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power."~ Alan Cohen
"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning." Louis L'Amour
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. -Dr. Seuss
Hang in there......