I am feeling less sick today. Just kind of down and crappy, one of my roommates just gets under my skin. I like her but we're very different, in an almost incompatible way. I would most likely not be friends with her if we didn't live together. Ack. I need a quick pick me up... Something to jolt me back to the living.
I am irritable today. I am going to have teas and scones. And I willl be happy damn it.
After some thinking, and some food, I have realized that I am feeling irritable at least partially because I have been thinking about unpleasantness-es. Thinking about an exboyfriend who didn't treat me that well and did things that have affected me to this day. which pisses me off that he has had such an affect on my life. I did not chose to let him influence my life this much, I resent that he does. I also resent all the olther things he took from me without my consent. It bothers me very much that I am still thinking about this at all becuase I do not like to see myslef as an easily manipulated person, looking back at our relationship, I was so submissive.
I am feeling like I want some violence in my life in some way. I really want to break something and hit things.
I am pissed because I do not chose to see myslef as a victim and I've got so many of their stupid symptoms that its becoming difficult to ignore.
Question that I would like some advice on:
Supposing an exboyfriend, whom I was in love with, however inappropriately, raped me when I was a drunk virgin who he had been dating for 8 months. Suppose that it still fucks with me sometimes. Suppose that we both act civilly, even friendly to eachother when we meet. And suppose that I do not feel like he knows how much he wronged me during our 14 month relationship. Suppose I am toying with the idea of telling him what I feel. But lets also suppose that I am adverse to confrontation and have always been and still am kind of afraid of him...what do I do to get some closure and stop fucking thinking about it and letting it affect me. This is two years ago that he fucked me the first time. And about a year and a half since we broke up.
I'm still fucking grumpy...
I am irritable today. I am going to have teas and scones. And I willl be happy damn it.
After some thinking, and some food, I have realized that I am feeling irritable at least partially because I have been thinking about unpleasantness-es. Thinking about an exboyfriend who didn't treat me that well and did things that have affected me to this day. which pisses me off that he has had such an affect on my life. I did not chose to let him influence my life this much, I resent that he does. I also resent all the olther things he took from me without my consent. It bothers me very much that I am still thinking about this at all becuase I do not like to see myslef as an easily manipulated person, looking back at our relationship, I was so submissive.
I am feeling like I want some violence in my life in some way. I really want to break something and hit things.
I am pissed because I do not chose to see myslef as a victim and I've got so many of their stupid symptoms that its becoming difficult to ignore.
Question that I would like some advice on:
Supposing an exboyfriend, whom I was in love with, however inappropriately, raped me when I was a drunk virgin who he had been dating for 8 months. Suppose that it still fucks with me sometimes. Suppose that we both act civilly, even friendly to eachother when we meet. And suppose that I do not feel like he knows how much he wronged me during our 14 month relationship. Suppose I am toying with the idea of telling him what I feel. But lets also suppose that I am adverse to confrontation and have always been and still am kind of afraid of him...what do I do to get some closure and stop fucking thinking about it and letting it affect me. This is two years ago that he fucked me the first time. And about a year and a half since we broke up.
I'm still fucking grumpy...
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
pyrocide:
Sorry to hear of the misfortion that you have had in your life. Not really too experienced in situations like this. My best answer is if you have a friend of good size that could be with you while you confront him, but then your friend would know of it if they didn't already. I can tell you there is no reason for you to be civil to that fucking prick. He deserves a horrible pain to be placed apon him. Sorry if this is not what you want to hear or if talk like this is not something you want to hear. Did you ever tell any authoritys about the incident?
Sorry to hear of the misfortion that you have had in your life. Not really too experienced in situations like this. My best answer is if you have a friend of good size that could be with you while you confront him, but then your friend would know of it if they didn't already. I can tell you there is no reason for you to be civil to that fucking prick. He deserves a horrible pain to be placed apon him. Sorry if this is not what you want to hear or if talk like this is not something you want to hear. Did you ever tell any authoritys about the incident?
orchid1:
No I never told an authority because I was in love and I rationalized it a thousand different ways. After falling out of love with him, I realized it was not rationalizable.