Hiya! I do not assume that it is drama - and you never stroke me as someone fond of drama at all - It seems like a depression with need of emotional support and professional help. Also, there are some support groups (In person, there must be some there; on-line, there are several for sure - even in SG. e.g. this one.) Of course, people are different, and serious professional input may make things safer.
You are an awesome girl, and this is not rethorical. And I am not even counting the drop-dead-gorgeous part.
Oh! A hint: Try to compartiment your problems so they do not feel like a huge, unsolvable situation, but rather like isolated issues that will be solved, each under a suitable approach and at its pace.
I know I'm just some anonymous face on the computer but I'm here if you need me. I wish I could give you an actual hug but I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.
hey will you have dinner with me in september, may be even show me around your town I would love to catch up with you again and hang out, I may not be the change of seen you are after but I will be a positive one and fully on your side my friend.
feeling suicidal really sucks [i've been there a few times this year]. id feel depressed about something stupid then it just turned to that.
your conclusion is also something that i can see going on in my life. partially because of how things have gone in the past for me, i get really angry when i feel people just arent listening to me. there really is nothing more frustrating for me to feel than that. i worry that no one really cares about what im saying, that everyone is just trying to get something from me. like i help them with something then start asking them for something else then all of a sudden theyre blowing off something im worrying about like its nothing [when in reality it's not a new issue for me].
the other thing ive experienced is people doing things behind my back, which really makes me pissed and mistrustful of them and all their friends. when that happened i literally cut almost all my friends out of my life for a few months.
also related to what i said before is that i now really wonder why people are friends with me and become mistrustful of nearly everyone i know to a reasonable degree. i basically feel like im being pushed aside and dont really know what to do with that. then people who really should be considered friends become classified as people i think are using me, which really shouldnt happen in the cases where i've seen it. there has been some redemption but im still doubtful.
though im always one to take a little thing and blow it up way out of proportion...
The important thing I try to remember when I'm tragically depressed is that life is thoroughly unpredictable. If you sit and write down what you think tomorrow will bring, chances are the day that eventually rolls around will invalidate your musings.
I don't mean you have to get all existential or anything, but it does help to remember this: the next thing life is going to throw at you will be different than you think. If you're so depressed that you can't imagine anything that would make you feel better, take comfort in the fact that the events of tomorrow are practically guaranteed to be beyond your imagining.
The one positive I can say is that you know the people who do believe you are good and caring friends, so definitely look to them for support when you start feeling suicidal....even if they are not, as was said before, part of that social circle.
Maybe it's time to look outside that social circle? I'm bad at advice for this, because my response when it happened to me, was to just wall myself up and shut everyone out.
Not really a great move on my part, so I wouldn't suggest it for anyone else.
How was your birthday? I wish I could have made it. And who was it who sent me the email inviting me to the party? I assumed it was you -- I had a long conversation with the owner of that email address about the party -- but I guess it wasn't you.
You are an awesome girl, and this is not rethorical. And I am not even counting the drop-dead-gorgeous part.
Oh! A hint: Try to compartiment your problems so they do not feel like a huge, unsolvable situation, but rather like isolated issues that will be solved, each under a suitable approach and at its pace.
Cheers,
Lord_Frous