oldskoolpat

i survived the bender.. for better or worse i don't know.

see, i saw this guy on thursday that i haven't seen in five years. and i never wanted to see this guy again. this is the one person that i could see myself killing and i would be totally fine with it. to make a long story short, this guy killed my baby brother five years ago in a car accident. it was a single car accident, the car hit a phone pole. he was driving, and after the accident he left my brother to die in the car while he hitchhiked away from the scene. it took my brother a few hours to pass away. he got bailed out of jail, and before i knew what had really happened he gave me an account of the accident that was a total lie (claimed he wasn't driving, that he stayed and held my bro's hand, etc.). i couldn't even bring myself to go to court and watch the proceedings when he was being tried (he got a year in jail). i just never wanted to run into this fuck. but, with dover being as small as it is, i knew it was only a matter of time. its like every time i go outside i always think i'm gonna run into him or my ex..

so there he was, at the bar i always go to on thursdays. i looked him in the eye, and kept on walking. he said some shit to me as i walked away.. called me a bitch. i felt the rage boil up in me but i left the bar. i was thinking of how much my mom has cried over her loss, and how much it would hurt her more if i went to jail or something. but right now i feel like a total bitch. and i've been partying since that night, way too much.

today is my mom's birthday. i'm going to buy her some flowers and a card, and go have dinner with her. i just can't express how much i love her, and how much i appreciate everything she has done for me in my life. every time i see her cry i get more and more angry.