I haven't posted a blog in a while, so I'm gonna be lazy and copy (with edits) a series of posts I put up on Facebook, a debate I was having about interracial dating. This is actually a series of responses, but I put them together as best as I was able in order to form a self contained essay, and added a conclusion, so here goes:
I've personally never dated a black and/or Hispanic girl (I'm both, for all you new people), but that has less to do with preference and more to do with opportunity. The kinds of things I'm into and the crowds I run with mean I'm more likely to meet white girls, so that's who I've traditionally dated (and one Asian, and one Native American).
And I mean no offense to anyone -nor am I trying to put words in anyone's mouth over this- but I think to make a blanket statement like "I would never date (insert race here)" for whatever reason -parents, religion, whatever- is slightly racist, regardless of one's own race (and yes, for the record, one can be prejudiced towards one's own race, I can't believe how often I have to state this). That's just how I feel about it. It's "racist" in the sense that one is making a blanket statement about an ethnic group (essentially "no one of that ethnic group could ever be compatible with me), not so much because one has a physical preference. Not being attracted to a certain complexion is fine, I suppose, but attributing that to a race and saying I would never date *that* bothers me somewhat. It might just be a semantics issue for me, but I've met some really dark white people and some really light black people and everything in-between, and being a black Hispanic myself I find the concept of race mostly cumbersome and arbitrary; I indulge the terms (if not so much the distinctions attached to them) mostly for the sake of communication.
For my part I'll openly admit that I'm *less* likely to be attracted to a black girl than a white girl or a light skinned Hispanic girl ...or an Asian ...or a Native American ...but that has less to do with skin color (I think, I hope) and more to do with (sub)culture and my own personal comfort zone -and expectations built up from 15 odd years of dating (or at least being sexually active with) members of the opposite sex exclusively outside my "race." (Incidentally, as far as men go, I tend to prefer black guys, so go figure).
But by no means do I have an aversion to black women -despite what some people might think about me, or read into from my romantic history. I've been attracted to plenty of black women who travel in the same circles I do (though this is where my grievances begin... most of these black women are the types that would "never" date a black man, which instantly kills my own attraction), but circumstances have always worked against me whenever there was a (suspected) mutual attraction -they were attached or I was attached or we didn't really get to know each other well enough, etc. In fact, it's gotten to the point that whenever I meet a black girl around here, via my friends, etc, I just kind of assume off the bat that they won't want anything to do with me romantically. This has blown up in my face twice so far that I know of (once quite recently), so I'm trying to be less pessimistic, but those thoughts are still lodged in the back of my mind, that a black girl I meet in *this* crowd won't date me because I'm not white, and these thoughts get reinforced every time I meet another black girl who says she never dates black guys.
The fact is, I don't really have a "type," I have preferences and (very loose) standards but I think it's a little ridiculous whenever someone claims that they have a "type" and clings dogmatically to that. I've dated (or at least hooked up with) 5' tall girls and 6' tall girls, skinny girls and (slightly) heavier girls (I *do* have limits on that, sorry), girls with short hair, long hair, black hair, blond hair, pink hair (... I'm like Armour hotdogs over here), but I tend to go through "phases" with physical types, which isn't exactly wholesome either, but any expectations I might have or think I want go out the window if I meet any combination of hotness, personality/compatibility and mutual attraction.
I don't think that refusing to date a certain race is a particularly egregious form of racism -if nothing else, I think the person who sticks to that rule is only potentially hurting themselves- but this is a personal matter for me, as a black man, as a black Hispanic man, in the American South, surrounded by black girls and white girls who freely admit they would never date outside their race, or, in the case of the former, would never date their own race, because of some preconception of what black men are all about. I know calling someone a racist, especially because they wouldn't date *me,* is a heavy (and not entirely objective) accusation, but if the shoe fits...
I've personally never dated a black and/or Hispanic girl (I'm both, for all you new people), but that has less to do with preference and more to do with opportunity. The kinds of things I'm into and the crowds I run with mean I'm more likely to meet white girls, so that's who I've traditionally dated (and one Asian, and one Native American).
And I mean no offense to anyone -nor am I trying to put words in anyone's mouth over this- but I think to make a blanket statement like "I would never date (insert race here)" for whatever reason -parents, religion, whatever- is slightly racist, regardless of one's own race (and yes, for the record, one can be prejudiced towards one's own race, I can't believe how often I have to state this). That's just how I feel about it. It's "racist" in the sense that one is making a blanket statement about an ethnic group (essentially "no one of that ethnic group could ever be compatible with me), not so much because one has a physical preference. Not being attracted to a certain complexion is fine, I suppose, but attributing that to a race and saying I would never date *that* bothers me somewhat. It might just be a semantics issue for me, but I've met some really dark white people and some really light black people and everything in-between, and being a black Hispanic myself I find the concept of race mostly cumbersome and arbitrary; I indulge the terms (if not so much the distinctions attached to them) mostly for the sake of communication.
For my part I'll openly admit that I'm *less* likely to be attracted to a black girl than a white girl or a light skinned Hispanic girl ...or an Asian ...or a Native American ...but that has less to do with skin color (I think, I hope) and more to do with (sub)culture and my own personal comfort zone -and expectations built up from 15 odd years of dating (or at least being sexually active with) members of the opposite sex exclusively outside my "race." (Incidentally, as far as men go, I tend to prefer black guys, so go figure).
But by no means do I have an aversion to black women -despite what some people might think about me, or read into from my romantic history. I've been attracted to plenty of black women who travel in the same circles I do (though this is where my grievances begin... most of these black women are the types that would "never" date a black man, which instantly kills my own attraction), but circumstances have always worked against me whenever there was a (suspected) mutual attraction -they were attached or I was attached or we didn't really get to know each other well enough, etc. In fact, it's gotten to the point that whenever I meet a black girl around here, via my friends, etc, I just kind of assume off the bat that they won't want anything to do with me romantically. This has blown up in my face twice so far that I know of (once quite recently), so I'm trying to be less pessimistic, but those thoughts are still lodged in the back of my mind, that a black girl I meet in *this* crowd won't date me because I'm not white, and these thoughts get reinforced every time I meet another black girl who says she never dates black guys.
The fact is, I don't really have a "type," I have preferences and (very loose) standards but I think it's a little ridiculous whenever someone claims that they have a "type" and clings dogmatically to that. I've dated (or at least hooked up with) 5' tall girls and 6' tall girls, skinny girls and (slightly) heavier girls (I *do* have limits on that, sorry), girls with short hair, long hair, black hair, blond hair, pink hair (... I'm like Armour hotdogs over here), but I tend to go through "phases" with physical types, which isn't exactly wholesome either, but any expectations I might have or think I want go out the window if I meet any combination of hotness, personality/compatibility and mutual attraction.
I don't think that refusing to date a certain race is a particularly egregious form of racism -if nothing else, I think the person who sticks to that rule is only potentially hurting themselves- but this is a personal matter for me, as a black man, as a black Hispanic man, in the American South, surrounded by black girls and white girls who freely admit they would never date outside their race, or, in the case of the former, would never date their own race, because of some preconception of what black men are all about. I know calling someone a racist, especially because they wouldn't date *me,* is a heavy (and not entirely objective) accusation, but if the shoe fits...