oddityodyssey

I am quite ready for the end of summer. Actually I am quite ready for the end of everything. Just too fucking tired and too fucking alone in this. I've already had my breakdown and I wasn't really allowed even that. Everyone else has their money but I have to work my ass off for mine. I'm constantly fucking up because I'm too exhausted or preoccupied to do it right the first time. I've barely seen my friends since April and when I do they all treat me like a mildly unusual disease. No slack given, no easing up on the throttle, no time to actually do what I need to. I'm angry but I don't know why. I hate but I find it pointless. I keep trying to stand up but am constantly knee-capped. I speak but the words are misheard. I act but it's always the wrong action.
There is no pause button--no roadside attraction to wander in. My head is so full no thought can move. I'm expected to help but have to ask for it when I need it. I'm a guilty man expected to play like an innocent while I take my punishment. I haven't earned anything. I have no right to anything. Loyalty, respect, honor are required by all others but are merely optional for me. All I want is escape--freedom, justice and liberty for me and all that those ideas entail. Idealistic, naive, romantic are the retorts and reminders that reality isn't fair, never will, and all I can do is keep shoveling shit while being damn grateful for the opportunity to do so.
I'm tired of the never-ending defeat.