nonameninja

well it probably doesn't count anymore since its past midnight but I went out tonight because it was my brothers birthday...he died a little over 2 years ago and he was everything to me...not just my big brother but more then I could describe....I went out by my self to the bar and tried to drink my sorrows a little bit...I miss him so much everyday...I still to this day have things I wanna call and tell him about or things I wanna do with him and I have to remind me self he isn't here anymore...it breaks my heart....I'd give anything to see him again...all my life I've looked forward to sitting down with him when we're old and have kids off playing together and just talk about all the things we never said to each other...and as close as we where (basically like twins sharing one brain) there was plenty that normal people would say that we never shared....

I just have this great big whole in my soul knowing life won't be complete without sitting down with him as old farts and having a great talk over a beer or seven....

life has been different for me the last few weeks....my girlfriend and I are having a bit of an open relationship but I'm remembering just how hard it is for me to break out of my habits....which mostly means not approaching woman at all....even ones I'd kill to talk to a few specific woman and I don't know how to get people to like me...I guess I send out this vibe of "I'm weird and your better of not talking to me"

I hate not having friends sometimes...like when it come to inviting people to my birthday part on sunday....I don't have anyone to ask to come with me....

I just wish things where easier for me....I wish I felt like I belong on this planet....