That situation really doesn't sound too good. I hope you hear something from her soon.....just to put your mind to rest at least. I hate it when your worried about someone but for for whatever reason you don't have contact with them.
I suppose you just have to carry on though.

maybe the next email you send should be your carefully worded goodbye.

i have been there with an ex, too. it's scary how close she mirrors him in her attitude. you know what happened with my ex? he's still an ex, and not not a friend. love of my life. can't be friends.

and yes my darling, my cats indeed rule my life. more than i care to admit. i talk to them more then i'll admit, too.

wow - I haven't been around for a bit and hadn't known that you still weren't able to meet up with her. I don't know - I have to agree with Samling, you just may not be able to even be friends. I think one of the hardest lessons I have learned is to let people go with love. You have love for her as a person - I hear it when you write about her, but I think part of letting her go in love is to leave the situation as it is - not responding sounds as though she is afraid to hear what she knows is going to be said and she may have too much fear to do that. It feels very personal, but it isn't. It's her taking out whatever she needs to on herself and probably an inability to face that action has emotional consequence. She may not be able to deal with that - and its not up to you to help her.

But - thanks for the post - even though the assignment has passed, I'm still interested in what people have to say, especially those not living in the States. Actually, the UK has been recruiting social workers from the States. So, if I ever finish school - I will have options....Woo-hoo! So dig the option thing in life! Missed you - pick a better week to start work! Dear god, right into the fire!

Thanks so much for the encouraging comment
Always appreciated!

Love,
--Kikou

too funny about the toilet seats!!! I have to admit to snorting coffee out of my nose while my boss walked into my office (ooops!) But he's pretty cool and I just said I got a "personal" email...

I struggle with past abuse issues - the fear is very real and present in all of my relationships with men...It's not easy to get over - it has taken me alot of work to do so and to learn to walk through the fear instead of avoiding it. I do have empathy for her - but I also know that what you are doing - closing the door without a lock is one of the gentlest things you can do for her. When she is ready - she will deal with it - if she's not ready, you have done all you can for her and yourself. When I was doing similar things - I truly wanted the people I was leaving to move on and be happy. I just didn't know how to allow them in my life and being happy with me.

When are you posting pics of the sleeves? I know you said when it gets color - but a work in progress is wicked cool too!

Being an american - free chocolates always keep me calm...As does flying anywhere outside the US....

ooops - i am so fucking daft at times - yup - definite paranoia...not too harsh at all...

I am so upset that I finished Buffy..People have told me to start watching Angel - but it just isn't the same...I will probably start that though - given the Buffy subplot - it's kind of going to feed the addiction...

Yup - being an American - I can bring chocolate...but not baby formula for a few days there...Yes - I would so love to have been on a flight with a hungry infant! How stupid can we be in the states??? Oh well - further incentive to finish my degree so I can move overseas...

As far as she goes - 20 is young...it took me until my 30's to realize how much pain I was in...It was that realization - when the pain of daily living became too great - that I knew I needed to get serious help - alot of it had to do with my son as well...I just thought he deserved better than I was at the time and knew if I did anything - I would never want him to go to my ex-husband to live...After awhile - I realized I deserved better than I had been giving myself...It's a long painful process - I still have a few triggers left and each time I get close to someone I get triggered. But now, I have better ways of coping - so, long story short - there's hope bu no guarantees....

Hmmm - when I'm bored at work - I re-arrange my Hello Kitty collection...

romance easy? HA! I have no fucking idea how to do any of this relationship shite and am just bewildered by it all. One of the best characters on Buffy (who alot of people didn't get - but I did) is Anya...Years of wreaking havoc and revenge on men and suddenly has to learn how to be human - and have feelings - and a relationship....get her too well - something incredibly ironic about wreaking vengeance on them (men) and still not knowing how to have a relationship...."When I think that something could happen to you, it feels bad inside, like I might vomit'...yup - pretty much how I express the whole happy, giddy feeling thing....And the whole "clinging to whatever came along" - yup

I know you are worried - there's no way to be who you are without being worried...(hope I'm not taking liberties)...

I am happy to hear that you are finally working.
Congrats.

As for this girl. The next you contact her, get a phone number out of her.
It will make it easier.

It is time to give you some unwarranted advice that applies to me, more than you.

Put her in the past. As unbelieveable as it sounds, there are other women in your future that will be even more interesting and arouse even greater passion. It is time that you started meeting them and getting to know them. Stop hiding from them all with this need for closure.

Life is way too short. Sometimes closure never happens and as humans we have very little control over it. However, meeting and enjoying new people that is something we do have some control over.

I am rarely "right". However, this time I am listening to my own advice and therefore must be right :-)
The weekend is gonna be good.


PS, Snakes in Outer Space..is a slightly more amusing working title.

I always get so happy when I see posts from you (even if I am feeling slightly better than dirt) - It's too funny you mention D'Hoffryn - my job and quote are both Anya I'm a bit better today - but just laying low and processing everything....Not in a "please stop hitting me with my own rib bone way" but just in a reflective way....Trying to apprecitae good and start figuring the lesson out...Sounds too deep - but on the plus side - I'm eating alot of ice cream! Hope you are well