Speechless!

You can write very, very brilliantly. I shall be saving that to a document to read it some other times

Ill comment again after ive read it a few more times

awesome!

this rock fiction is really great. you should "polish" a little and why not develop that storyline and submit it to companies?

you're surprising me!

yeah. i admit i had a translator, it improves my english

anyway, i really like the story and your writing. and i don't flatter you for free. it's impressive, i like the story. you don't have to be afraid to show it, that's great.

i like it. :] i saved it into word so i can read it again later.

I deleted the reply from my journal by acaident. Sorry.

But I'm glad your feeling better.
I have not read your story yet but I'll give it a try tomorrow.

This definitely seems like the begining of something very powerful, or at least intertesting. It certainly held my attention all the way until the end.

There are a few minor typos, but it's certainly worth revisiting until the story ends. There is probably a solid amount of pressure at this point in the story, as it could very easily lose its believability here. I would suggest being very careful with the story line at this particular point, but it seems that you will do very well with the telling of the story itself, no matter where it goes.

Good luck, please finish it!

pretty cool!! i like it. there's just a few grammatical errors. for example, after a quote, there is no period if you say "he said":

"Last night someone attacked your boy friend" he began to say.

you see?

a minor detail i would change is "I watched his hands fall into his front pant pockets and then into his ass pant pockets." to "I watched his right hand fall into his front pant pocket, his left into his ass pocket." i think it makes it more visual that way. just my opinion.


i like your story. it left me wondering what's gonna happen. keep writing.


PS there's one thing that doesn't make sense to me...first you deny you had intercourse, but you proceed to say "he laid me in bed"!

Well done! It's even better than before, and I like what you've added to it. This is definetely something that you should keep working on.

Seriously, when I saw how long your story was, I didn't think I would have the attention span to read the whole thing...but then I just got lost in it! Nice twist; I didn't expect that. You are a talented writer.

i read it, it was coolness.
ur a good writer
im a writer myself but havent been writing much lately, but reading ur work was fun and refreshing
keep up the good work my friend

oh and u have a good week too

Hi. I haven't read it yet, but I will. But I wanted to say hi and ask if you had a good Thanksgaiving.

hello there!, new here, gettin to know everyone!