newkirk

So I have to start by apologizing to some people that I've long ignored. Since Thanksgiving I've felt like I haven't stopped moving. Between looking for a new job, looking for a new apartment, trying to get rid of my apartment now, dealing with going home (Brooklyn), taking care of day to day things, going to work and spending more time there than I'd like, I've had no time to breathe.

I've felt like too many things have passed me by. Not having anytime to smell the roses leaves me kind of empty. I'm either at work or home doing some sort of work. Friends have become a thing of the past, not that I have any in the first place.

I've started to enjoy reading about computers and how to take them apart and back together, learning about different software and what they do. I guess the new glasses I got have turned me into a nerd.

I'm starting to think my own mother has stopped loving me. I got her and my sister a present for Christmas and neither one of them called me to wish me a merry Christmas. I know I can be a bastard but the two people I thought would love me no matter what - don't... people wonder why I don't like anyone.

Today will be 11 days without a cigarrette... it's gotten really hard. I see people smoking all the time now and I just want to grab it out of their hands and puff away. The thing I fear the most about quitting is the weight gain. It took me so long to take off the weight the first time I quit, I don't want to deal with it again. I'm not even using the patch or anything, just willpower and with the stress I've been feeling lately it's starting to crack...

I need a big warm hug.......

Reason # 59872 to live: Charis

PS: I miss kwizzle