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muse_malade

Illinois

Member Since 2005

Followers 14 Following 15

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Saturday May 20, 2006

May 20, 2006
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I've been thinking a lot about my family and families in general. What started it off is my brother called me at work... again. I've asked him time and time again never to call me. EVER... the only exceptions are if someone is DYING or DEAD. I hate him and his exsistance makes me sick. I don't understand how someone can throw away such a presious life on drugs. It's not like he's a "occasional user", which I still don't approve of.. He's 35 and he's been on coke or crack since he was 15. That's 20 years someone has wasted.. over half of thier life.
So, he called and demanded I get ahold of my father and begins to berate me on how I live my life - not seeing my family and having little to know communication with them.
My family and I are polar opposites. They all use drugs, are very abusive, aggressive, and have no desire to change. They'll speak of "God" with a joint in one hand and a beer in the other.
So, I hung up. This gets me to thinking about family and so on. I distanced myself from them to stay away from the things I hate. So, why am I drinking?
I honestly have no problem with a glass of wine or two here and there for special occasions. I really don't. I do have a problem with the fact that I drink. I'm not a major drinker (anymore), but I do drink. Not everyday, but I still do.
So kids, a program of recovery is in order. I am drug free with the exception of alcohol so why am I drinking if I hate the things that I grew up around? It makes no sense.
So, I am looking at a support system. If there are any suggestions, let me know...
I was drug free, alcohol free until I met someone 6 years ago... It's time to get back to that.

I'll leave you with my favorite line from one of my favorite songs:

"I'd rather be forgotten
Then remembered for
Giving in...."

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