misskristin

well... the countdown begins soon... I struggled to achieve remission, but have managed to maintain it for 4 months. I got the rundown on what my post transplant treatment will entail. 3 Days of strong chemotherapy drugs, then 3 days of total body radiation. They measured every inch of my body so they could make sure my whole body gets equal amounts of radiation. They will put up a shield for my head in lungs so that they don't get as much radiation as the rest of my body. I have to go twice a day for 40 minutes each time, and I am not allowed to move at all. The machine is really big and scary however, not as scary as all the side effects. I am trying to keep up my mental and physical strength to make it through this, but there is no telling really. I'm pretty weak from all the past treatments, but at this point there is nothing i notice more than my inability to think. I forget everything, sometimes I am lucky enough to remember pieces of things, or vaguely recall things... other times it's a complete and total blank. Entire conversations gone.

That has caused problems with my family, my mother would ask me something... I would agree to it, then later on I would get upset that people were making plans and discussing things with out me. I wonder too sometimes if they aren't making up things I've said to get them selves out of trouble. This problem I am told will be long term, the medications have permanently damaged my brain. Hopefully I will be able to regain some of it.

So, september 12th is transplant day, either the beginning of the end, or a new birthday for me. I go back into the hospital for a month or so starting september 5th.