Hey SG....I need your advice and help!! and It's a bit of a long story, so bare with me!
So about a year and half ago I met this guy online....let's call him Steve. He was my guild leader in Rift and we got along well. He also ended up being friends with my hubs. My hubs and I play as a couple in every MMO we play. Everyone in the guild knew we were together, it was no secret and Steve was no exception to knowing. As the months went on, Steve, his brother "Dave", my hubs and I got really close and we became really really good friends. The brothers then decided to make a trip out here to Vegas to meet up and hang out. We were ok with that, along with the brothers a few other guildies came along and we made it a guild trip pretty much. (For those of you who don't know a guild is a group of gamers under one name (my guild is Fallen Souls) in an MMO setting, much like a clan is in FPS game settings.) The trip was a blast, everyone had a great time and it was fun to finally meet our friends in person.
Skip ahead a few months and my hubs and I decide to head to Arizona where the brothers live to visit. We went for the weekend and it was great, once again had a blast. It was nice to have friends who were into D&D etc since it had been a long time I had found anyone who actually still played the live version.
So all of our meetings just made the friendship between us all stronger and I was so happy we finally had a friend we could have together...since my hubs and I both don't really have any friends out side of gaming. One day in March Steve texts me and asks me if I'm at home...I say yes so he then asks me to get on Ventrillo (a voice chat used for people who play games together on the computer) so we could "Talk". I was a little nervous at first but then he went on to tell me that it was nothing he had told anyone before etc etc...so my mind automatically goes into the "Oh wow, he's going to come out to me" since I've never seen him with a girl etc. So I prepare for that news since that's what I assumed....I was ready to be supportive etc. He tells me that he is in love with me and wants me to be his girlfriend. That I should leave the man I'm with and move to him because the relationship I'm in isn't good for me..... and that he's never kissed a girl and is a virgin (he's 31 btw) WTF! So honestly, I was caught off guard. 1. Who is he to tell me about my relationship which he knows nothing is about. 2. He's never shown any signs of affection that way towards me at all so I continued to be his friend. 3. And even if I was interested...a virgin couldn't handle me lol I'm a total freak, I'd probably ruin his sex life with fear lol! So, me being who I am, I was polite and said well I'm in a relationship and I don't think of you that way but I enjoy your friendship if you don't mind keeping it at that. He agreed and we moved on. And it was nothing awkward.
So April rolls around and ESO is just releasing. My guild decided to move to that game and play. Steve headed up here to stay with us a few days to have a LAN party for the games release....everything was just peachy until he left and went home. He then became depressed, blamed me for his depression and said because of how he feels about me, he just can't stand his life anymore because he doesn't have a girlfriend and has never been with a girl and so on and so on (basically saying he's not good enough for any girls etc). I tried to be his friend and said girls don't like guys who feel sorry for themselves and he needs to build confidence. Also mind you, he is going for girls WAY out of his league...his expectations are extremely high for ANY girl. What he wants simply does not exist. I mentioned that if our friendship is causing him emotional harm, then maybe we shouldn't be friends and he screamed no and said he still wanted to be my friend (also mind you, he also constantly texts my hubs with long messages about his depression and asking my hubs how he landed a girl like me....there came a point where my hubs just stopped responding because it was getting out of control).
The texts kept coming about his depression, he kept feeling sorry for himself (and a side note: I have suffered and do suffer from anxiety and depression, there is a clear line from someone who feels sorry for themselves and brings it upon themselves and does it for attention, than someone who legitimately has a mental depression that needs counseling or medication ). I tried to be his friend and listen but it was not enough, so eventually my responses became one word answers, I stopped giving him the attention he wanted from it and this is where it gets creepy and weird and where I don't know what to do....
He removed me from facebook. Ok, fine. He said my posts are "negative in nature"....when all I post are pictures of me and the hubs and my random thoughts like I do here....and my posts make him depressed so he took me off so he didn't have to look at them. Ok...fine. Good riddance right? Wrong...now he uses his brothers facebook (whom I'm also friends with and whom I actually really want to keep as a friend) to stalk my page and see what I'm writing. He gets extremely angry when I don't respond to texts and says that is me "disrespecting" him. He sent me a list of demands in a text as to what he wants from our friendship and I'll quote you some of the text message "I simply have expectations of what is required for me to feel someone is my friend. Do they reach out to me to show they are thinking about me? Do they remember to invite me to activities to show they enjoy my presence? Do they talk to and treat me with respect and loyalty? Do they value my opinions, especially when they don't agree? (he's also extremely opinionated, judgmental and egotistical....like he's entitled to everything) You know how you tell "my hubs" you love him and he feels loved? I want that. Don't take this as I demand more from you. This is simply put what I want from my friendship. You not communicating gives impressions of not caring, thinking about me or desiring me to be part of your life. You make it difficult for people to like you. You have to meet me halfway"
He keeps preaching about the friend zone and how it's a horrible place to be and how women always put him there....I've tried to tell him that HE puts HIMSELF there...but it falls on deaf ears.
So....I want to cut all ties, it's just getting to weird for me. Between the text messages, the facebook stuff....it's just all too much for me. But I am afraid if I just cut him out completely that his mental state could worsen....possibly to self harm? Or worse...he knows where I live! I don't know. There is a lot more to the story but I tried to sum it up in a nutshell so you all could me your best advice on this situation. I have never had someone so clingy in my life so I am unsure how to handle this.
Thanks for the help!
Mara - Current set in MR
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