What the girl did is typical mindfuck. Mind that she had her hands on your *&^$! and thought about her boyfriend? Sorry dude no dice. What should have happened is that you should have just done did the deed and move on to another conquest. There is no point to be nice and timid when they just want to step on you. Figure it like a freestyle, just do what comes natural to you. Know that no one else matters but you in that scene.
the right thing is never the easy way out as you can tell my friend and you should be proud of yourself, very proud. health wise I would tell you to stop stressin but as humans we can't help ourself in over analyzing things from time to time so all I can say is keep your head up. about the california situation I don't really have much to say or can say anything but if you can get a job in San Diego, Tijuana is a very very cheap place to live in and if you don't get into trouble or mess with others it's also a great place to live in regardless of what the media has to say about it. Much love bro, keep your head up
*DPG: While I understand your viewpoint- especially when I was in the moment- I have to politely disagree. No matter what happened, I wouldn't want someone to cheat on me, so I'm not gonna do that to someone else. If we're meant to be together, then it'll happen, but if not, oh well. Yeah, it sucks, and it kinda fucked with me, but that's life. I'd rather look myself in the mirror and be proud than trade that in for a night of sex.
*Doobs: Thanks man. Unfortunately, I've been an over-analyzer my whole life haha. Maybe that's why I'm a writer? Who knows. I just hope I can cope with it soon. Thanks for your endless love and support man, really appreciate it.
i understand the feelings about cheating, but maybe shes waiting for you to make a move before she breaks up with him because she feels safer in a relationship. to avoid making a move because she's in a relationship is noble, but if she's meant to be with you, you have to get her out of the relationship somehow. but it's probably for the best that you didn't do it on that particular night. if you love her, and the feeling is mutual, another opportunity should present itself when shes sober, and it should work out for the best. don't lose your vcard when youre drunk, especially not if she's drunk. if you waited this long, i'm sure you can wait a little longer.
CJ: Yes, I am a virgin. Reason being that the right opportunity hasn't presented itself yet. I'm not saying the first person I sleep with has to be the love of my life, but I got started pretty late. I wasn't "allowed" to date until I was 18 and didn't have any self-confidence until then and later. I didn't really ask anyone out or express interest in anyone in high school and when I graduated, everyone I DID approach either had boyfriends and didn't tell me (until he answered the phone), weren't attracted to me or took extreme advantage of my friendship. More recently, I have gone out with a lot of girls whom are "crazy" in that, they tell me that they actually ARE crazy and they won't tell me why. Or, shit like this happens. I've just never been in a situation conducive to progression.
Much love bro, keep your head up 
