Good luck with the not ripping their heads off thing! Don't want to hear about you on the 6 pm news for going postal on the computer repair shop either
I do understand your frustrations though after going through the whole virus deal on my work computer and home computer last year. OMG it sucks big time!!
If you have an external harddrive save your important documents, pics, vids, bookmarks, etc and just blow it away and reinstall the os and start from scratch. Sometimes that's the easiest thing to do.
Mine's this orange one. Cute, isn't it?