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leonore

Santa Cruz, CA

Member Since 2006

Followers 35 Following 49

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Saturday Feb 14, 2009

Feb 13, 2009
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I try hard not to be pessimistic all the time. Or maybe I dont? Maybe I get off on worry. I dont know.

This cold is almost over. I spent most of my day sleeping. Olivia drew all over my arms and belly with marker out of boredom as I napped. She and I didnt leave the apartment all day, as I was determined to get better, to not over do it. I feel like a bad mommy when we dont go out and do anything fun though.

Dominic tried to sell his bass guitar for rent money but the guy tried to get $200 off the price so Dom told him no. I dont know why no one will hire Dominic, but its becoming problematic. Im working on getting a second job; hes working on un-employment.

I tell you now I tire of Codeine-sleep, but its the only thing I can take that wont make me feel hung-over in the morning. Normal sleep just doesnt come to my clogged head.

I am going through a sexual dry spell, which is not the norm for me at all. I am usually good to go pretty much anytime of the day or night. But not lately. I just dont feel sexy. Maybe I am depressed. I dont know. Poor Dommie, I know he misses being close to me.

I am not so thrilled with all the change these days. What seemed new and exciting last week feels scary and upsetting today. Jest and Mariana got married, Keith moved to Olympia, Dan and Marissa moved to San Diego, Jonathan is moving to San Francisco. The family I had is gone and no one in this city will look at me.

Sometimes I just want to move back to PT with my tail between my legs, but what for? My house is full of strangers, my friends are gone.

In between and out of sorts, I really have no home.

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