Hey love birds!
I know I'm always apologizing for not regularly updating you on here, but this time I've gone MIA for months - unforgivable, pretty much >_<
But 2025 has been such an incredible, complicated, unfathomable turning point.
The year didn't start well as at the end of January I lost my grandfather, my mom's dad, the only one remaining. It was heartbreaking even if he was ill and we were kind of aware that the epilogue was near.
He was kind and wise, dedicated to work and family, always ready to discuss the deeper meaning of things - I miss him everyday and every time I have doubts, I find myself questioning what he would have suggested.
The first months of the years have seen me going back to the strip club, after so many years - but this time, not just as a dancer but also as a traveling "sexy star", with my name on billboards too!
I was way younger when I started stripping and back in the days it didn't feel like something good for me, but going back to the club with more self-consciousness and stronger boundaries actually made it more enjoyable - and profitable too! 🤑
I was a bit worried that not being in my 20ies anymore would affect the money as the "young & fresh" look usually sells a lot, but it turned out that what ultimately grant me the bag is my confidence. Nice to know!
On February, I took part in my first and last exotic pole dance competition for the year where I competed for the first time as a semi-professional dancer, saying definitely goodbye to the "amateur" category.
I wanted to hit the competitions' stage way more this year but - as you're gonna discover if you keep reading - life had other plans for me! 😬
Since I was in a good position financially speaking, in March I suggested my brother to get together and bring to life one of our long-dreamed dreams: looking for a camper van! Both my brother and I are really passionate about outdoor activities as hiking, climbing and exploring nature, we've always fantasized about a way to travel and be totally independent from travel plans, booking, etc.
So, we got ourself a nice piece:
Spring brought to me the sweetest news 🌸
I've learnt that when life takes something you love from you, like it did with my grandfather at the beginning of this 2025, it somehow gives you back something you're going to love. Some sort of compensation.
Well, in March I discovered I was pregnant 😍
Pregnancy was a rollercoaster and looking back, I'm sorry I didn't enjoy it as I should. But it definitely unleashed some insecurities I probably already had inside myself.
It started roughly, I was forced to rest and wasn't declared out of "risk" until the anatomy scan at 15 weeks - this uncertainty took a huge toll on my mental health, at the point that I spent the following months scaring myself with terrible stories found online, spiraling while Googling things, obsessing on the baby's movements once I got the feel them. It sounds silly now, but I was scared I would never get to hold that baby in my arms.
I didn't even let myself "nest" until a couple of weeks before my due date, as I didn't feel it was real.
My anxiety not only prevented me from enjoying my condition, but also stressed the shit out of my partner, creating the conditions (I see it now) for some couple issues that we are inevitably facing now.
While trying not to blame myself too much, I'm back on a tighter therapy schedule with my psychologist so I can finally work things out.
As you can see from this selection of pictures, I kept modeling during the second and third trimester, traveling around to shoot in the Italian summer heat first and in the crisp autumn air then.
I honestly liked and still like how my pregnant body looked: everything was rounder and juicer and softer, my hair was amazing and the skin so clean I forgot my skincare routine.
Plus, I was committed to remember people around me that pregnancy and then motherhood don't have to put a woman's sexuality on hold - in fact, it's just another season in a woman's life and it's important to explore and express eroticism while navigating it too.
And finally, twenty days ago, on November 12th, my lil' Romeo was born 💙
Giving birth was something incredibly powerful, ancestral, terrifying and beautiful at the same time. I'm glad I had my mum and my partner near me, along with a young and skilled medical team. I don't think I'm gonna do it again as once is enough lol but I can say it was such a greatly positive experience.
Now I'm fighting for my life in the newborn trenches lol and I'm not gonna lie, it's not easy - and I'm not talking about breastfeeding without a fixed schedule, changing diapers everywhere or not sleeping more than 3 hours straight.
It's not easy having to stop all the activities that used to define you - your job, your hobbies, your social dates, etc - not knowing when you'll be able to get back at them, and being perfectly aware that when you'll be back at them, you'll be a completely different person.
This new role has to fit into your previous life and it takes compromises, that's what I'm discovering day after day.
It's scary and sometimes it doesn't even feel real, but now that I'm dropping these lines on my laptop with my baby boy peacefully sleeping on my chest, I can say it's totally worth it.
I just have to make sure to keep my spark lit ✨ and not lose myself - and that's why I'm still here, updating you and visiting my fav site.
Wish me good luck as the journey has just begun! 🍀
xo
Lauretta
