1. Starve yourself before you leave. This way, when you're starving to afford the flight home, it'll be easier to ignore the pain and focus on solving the problem at hand.
2. Be conventionally attractive. People are nicer to you.
3. Avoid France at all costs.
4. Forego packing. Pick your favorite outfit and wear it every day. Carry your toiletries in a shoulder slung knapsack like a cartoon character running away from home. This is better for your back.
5. Don't drink water at all, it makes you pee and there's never a bathroom when you need one.
6. Acquire a trusty companion. When they make your life into a movie it'll draw attention away from your terrible personality.
7. Get a fanny pack.
8. Let a gypsy impregnate you and run away to Romania and tell your friends and family you got "Taken".
9. Learn how to read maps so that when you don't have cell service you can pretend you're more interesting than you are and say things like "I prefer to get lost the old fashioned way"
10. Throw the term "apertif" around casually, regardless of whether or not you know what it means.
You are welcome.
