lackadaisiac

I'm going into my second week of school tomorrow. I think I managed to get all of my work done without being half-assed. Its hard trying to adopt my new work ethic of not doing anything the easy way, trying to reprogram my brain into not giving up. Thats why I'm here right? For once I'm trying to prove myself. Not in an outwardly egotistical type of way, but to myself. Its very hard and stressful. "Copeing", as they say in high school class books, has not been easy. I find myself turning to all of those things they warned me against, drugs and alchohol. I'm learning how to smoke ciggs with the wrong hand so I can sketch at the same time. Mostly its the public speaking that intimidates me the most. I look forward to this semester so much. It will change me artistically for the better, I'm sure of that, but the social interactions leave me nerveless. I've never been a good speaker. I'm a leo goddamnit! I'm supposed to be this natural born leader but a simple explanation to the entire class leaves me shaken and nauseas for the rest of the class no matter how well I did. Now I'm expected to do some kind of free form shit every week?! Self medication...