kirin_ka

The reason I watch Grey's Anatomy is because it makes me feel. I have become an expert at completely shutting down my emotions and sailing through life. The show makes me miss one of my greatest friends ever, and I wonder what I'll ever do with out her. The last some odd months have been extremely emotionless and it's welling up inside me and overflowing. I am going to explode, and I am afraid that I won't be able to handle the torrent of emotion that I will be overcome with. Sometimes I fail so greatly at life I wonder how I've made it this far.

I never told Rachel how much her friendship means to me. I never told Joss how much I loved laughing with her. I never told Stu how much he has inspired me. I never mentioned how grateful I am to all of them for allowing me to connect a part of my life with theirs. It's because of these three people that I want so hard to find the person I will to spend the rest of my life with. They have given me a glimpse of what it's like to be truly happy, something my life has seriously lacked.

I've told people that I like to help so that people who see them can hope for true happiness. While that is true, I leave out the part that I am one of those people that needs to see.

Even though I am taking time to figure myself out and working on getting my life straight it still hurts and I still long for someone to be warm with. I miss my other half. I miss it even though I've never known it. I know it exists. For as long as I can remember I've felt that I was half of what I should be. And I know when I find her that great things will happen. I know I'll find her, but knowing how much better life could be is killing me. My favorite three people in the world give me a break from feeling like a half. They've kept me sane the past nine years. With out them I'm going crazy.