A lot has been going on in my life lately, and if you follow me on other parts of the internet you might have seen how anxious I was, how angry I got, and how sad I've been since... well, pretty much the first weekend of March.
This may be a long story but here it goes: my boyfriend of three years (but on and off for three before that, since about 2010) had been working for the Sundance Film Festival and was planning on being gone for 5 months. That turned into 7 when we agreed that he'd go to NYC and do Tribeca this Spring. He flew to NYC on March 5th and promptly stopped answering everything I sent. Text messages, FB messages, phone calls, etc. I thought maybe he was stressed out about his living situation or lack there of, and tried to just not hound him, and knew it's happened before, he'll get in touch soon.
Then I asked him what were we going to do about April rent, since he'd been splitting rent with me this whole time. This finally got a response, but basically he just said he could no longer help me and he wasn't coming back.
Then I found out through the other girl that he had cheated on me in January at Sundance. In my not so finest hour, I hacked his email account and that's when I found out about the second girl. I pretty much lost it at this point. Two days later, he shows up from NYC to pack his shit in our apartment for 2 days and we talk. I thought we might actually have a chance to be friends again one day. But it's really clear he's STILL seeing the second girl out in NY, because he clearly has no respect for any women and this idiot girl thinks that he's just so dreamy or maybe she doesn't understand the extent of the damage that she has helped cause? I don't know. She's just 23 and has no idea what it's like to love someone enough that you've changed your life for them and moved across the country for them and have been financially and emotionally supporting them for ages.
So that's where I stand. I'm not entirely sure if I want to stay here in LA but I don't want to give up my job. I miss my family and my friends on the East Coast, but I have Disneyland and Drag Queens here. The entire SG community has been amazing, the girls at Wondercon helped me from feeling like my whole world was crumbling (special thanks to @Sirius, @Lua and @Leviathan for giving me lots of hugs and telling me exactly what I needed to hear).
I miss my best friend. I wish he hadn't ruined everything. I wish that it was a stupid dream. Sometimes I worry that I'll never find someone new because I hate everyone and I only go out to gay bars for drag shows. I'm taking it all one day at a time though. And sometimes finding humor in stupid things again.