Oh, I think you know exactly what's going on here -- he wants to date you (AND get into your pants, whichever comes first), but he doesn't want to break it off with his chickee unless he knows you're there for the soft landing. So he's sounding you out and laying the groundwork.
And oldie but a goodie; nothing new or really particularly henious about it, in the big scheme of things. The question is, what do you want to do about it? If you want him, you can tell him you're there if he ever gets out of his current committment, and just watch how fast he does it. If you don't, he's going to keep playing the "just friends" card until there's a reason not to.
In short, if you like him, give him the "all clear"; if you don't, and don't want him to get his hopes up, you can't keep hanging out with him. ESPECIALLY at a strip club.
And yes, holding your hand and rubbing your back does mean something (as does sneaking and lying to see you). Simple rule with guys: Whatever you think our behavior means, that's what it means.
I've held my female friend's hands before but we never gave off that vibe. Physical contact was kind of off limits because it's kind of like hanging with your sister. So if dude is getting touchie-feelie, chances are he's out to hook up.
Going by what you said, his advances are pretty blatant. So do you want to get him out of the "friend-zone?"
If so, I'd watch out for his girl. This probably means drama ahead.
Well here is my dilemma. I always end up having a lot of guy friends and few to none on the female side. I've just never been into the catty bullshit that girls bring to the table. They make me feel awkward and almost always have a problem bringing me around their boyfriends. And usually, the female friends I do have, are because I am attracted to them on a more than friend level.. which they usually don't even go for.
This always causes three problems:
1. The guy friends I have always want to cross the "friend line" and make it weird between us.
2. I can only be friends with single guys because their girlfriends almost always hate me before knowing me. Which equals mucho drama.
3. If and when I have a boyfriend, I can never hang out with my straight male friends. Which leave me few options on a friday night without the boyfriend.
I just can't win.
And about my friend (from above)... I don't want to be more than friends really. He's not really my type, and I know a relationship would never work because we have too little in common, and he is a LIAR! If he lies to her, he'd lie to me. And I don't want to just fuck him, either. I know that never works for friends. Someone always catches feelings or gets a girlfriend or boyfriend that is like "fuck no you can't see them anymore". Either way, it equals trouble and a lost friend.
I didn't think I was giving him the wrong vibes though. Everyone knows hanging out with me is like hanging out with one of the guys. I like strip clubs.. (I shouldn't be punished for that! I love the girls and I get treated good there and it's where I feel comfortable ) and I like sex, and to talk about sex. That's just me. It doesn't mean I want to fuck everyone I know. Am I wrong for that?
I've been "that guy" more times than I care to admit. We like to keep things aloof, always playing around with the idea of hooking up, but so subtley so that we can laugh it off when we are ultimately rejected. And we don't want to ruin a valued friendship either, so we will never, EVER be straightforward about it. The best advice I can offer is to make it obvious that you like some other guy, any other guy, even a made-up guy so that he knows that while you are looking for romance, you never even considered him. Short of being very blunt and telling him how you feel about him, that is the best advice I can offer. And yeah, the situation sucks.
And oldie but a goodie; nothing new or really particularly henious about it, in the big scheme of things. The question is, what do you want to do about it? If you want him, you can tell him you're there if he ever gets out of his current committment, and just watch how fast he does it. If you don't, he's going to keep playing the "just friends" card until there's a reason not to.
In short, if you like him, give him the "all clear"; if you don't, and don't want him to get his hopes up, you can't keep hanging out with him. ESPECIALLY at a strip club.
And yes, holding your hand and rubbing your back does mean something (as does sneaking and lying to see you). Simple rule with guys: Whatever you think our behavior means, that's what it means.