junecleavage

Apparently Colorado has decided it is Oregon. Actually, that's not even accurate, we didn't have thunder and lightening storms in Oregon - we just had mutha fuckin rain...all the goddamned time. Never ending. GREY.
No electricity.
No color.
Suffice it to say, that my love of thunder storms is dwindling. After FOUR weeks of them sending me inside within a second without warning, electricity out, plumbing out, internet out...all of it that connects me... out.
And yet, the funny thing is I feel more connected than ever.
Today we celebrate the birth of my best friend and the love of my life.
So...Happy Birthday to you my love.
"Celebrating" means different things when you are our age - most days - it means a couple of beers and a slice.
If we're lucky.
You know, when I write these bits of nonsense, it sounds as though I am lamenting some life prior to this one, as though it is one I would like to return to, but that is simply not the case.
I remember the life before this.
And the life before that.
And the life before THAT.
And none of them made me feel as whole and complete as this one.
It's funny, my youngest brother was talking to me the other day...he, the consummate artist, never wavered from his art...ah, what a luxury.
He has always had the ability to commit to himself and his art and his creative outlet.
I cannot say I have that luxury.
Or even that I ever did because, as you know, it is all about timing with parents.
Nor does my husband (see above).
Nor do any of us that become parents first and individuals after the fact.
So, in any case, he was crying to me "what am i doing, where am i going, what does it mean when my relationships fall apart, who am i if i am not my art?"
And I told him point blank(for the record, all of his art, every medium, is rather spectacular) , "Nicholas, you will spend a lifetime asking yourself that. I STILL ask myself that. Every day. Do you think I was a teenager thinking "Well goddamn I sure would like to grow up to manage a bunch of real estate offices one day? Because that is my mother fucking dream and I will not stop until I get it?!?!" "FUCK NO!!!"
It is what we do for fuck's sake.
It is not what we are.
But he has the ability to make what he does what he is.
And he is still lost.
So I end up saying this: 'When you get an answer, I surmise, that means your end is imminently nearer."
Because that is all I can come up with.
In any case...Happy Birthday my love...and do please enjoy my pretty double rainbow we saw on the way home yesterday because of a fore mentioned storms.