It's really been a while. I have to dust off this place because it's been like two or three months since I wrote something here?
I mean, yes, I can see the date from my last entry, but hey, I'm trying to make a joke here.
Anyways... Yeah, it's been a while since I wrote something, but since in like 3 months my membership expires I thought "Hey, why don't you go and write something, after all you kinda want to vent about a lot of things and this is the best place to do it".
So yes... you know, some things happened since the last time, yeah, just wait to hear my adventures.
So, you remember the depressed and unemployed Jorge that wanted to die every single entry?
Yeah, nothing changed.
No, really the last days of the past year. I started to feel like I had to do something with my life, to do something new, to get a job, to be useful, to meet new people, to have friends, to be able to visit my girlfriend, to be able to turn my life around and some time later look back at the days where I used to feel like shit everyday and smile because my life is not like that anymore.
The feeling got stronger when I saw the possibility of getting a car. My own ride, I was going to be able to go to work everyday without the anxiety of being in the public transport, I was going to be able to go to study Russian at college without the anxiety of the public transport. I was going to be able to do a lot of things without having to go through that.
Since it was my brother in law the one selling the car, I only had to get a job and confirm that I had a job so he could give me the keys and I was going to be all set, paying for it for 10 months, but I was going to be all set.
All sorts of perfect scenarios played inside my mind.
I was going to go and get the car, go to college on saturdays to learn russian, then Japanese and the next year I was going to search for a place, an apartment to go and live alone and some time later I was going to bring my girlfriend to live with me and we were going to have a cat and a dog, we would eventually get married, live life together, grow old together.
I planned my life pretty good isn't it?
The problem is that, one doesn't know what will actually happen when you actually go job hunting. I went to the places where I thought I could go in and get out with a job.
I went to Call Centers for back office jobs, you know, customer service chat, emails and all that kind of shit just because I didn't wanted to have a normal CC job, taking calls from angry americans who don't hesitate to yell at you and tell you, you're a piece of shit because you don't give them what you want.
I went to 3 places, the first one I went and did the tests that I had to do, they told me everything was well made and that they were going to call me... They never did.
The second one I went and wasted almost an hour waiting. The good part was that I got to see Oz The Great and Powerful, pretty good movie to be honest, I loved the small porcelain doll. At the time I was called I got told that there were not more openings for back office and that the only thing was to get a voice one (the one I was avoiding).
The third one was from a place I already worked in, they called me and told me of a job that seemed way too perfect, back office, earning way more than in other places and I even got sent some things I was supposed to use when I got to work.
Did the tests, all perfect except one, lost by one point. ONE. FUCKING. POINT.
That day of the last job interview I felt like shit and when I got home I just went into my room and cried all day.
Just when I thought I was going to fix everything in me, the illusion, the hope of doing something different, just vanished
At that point I was already desperate, because in what other thing I was going to be able to work? what place would pay good enough to still be able to do what I had planned? I was going to lose the car, I was going to lose my only tangible motivation.
Soon enough everything just got down the drain, at the very next day, "My car" was sold to someone else and my girlfriend started to act strange with me again.
January ended and february started, my girlfriend kept being distant and cold with me, just like if she didn't cared at all.
I realized that every day that I didn't talked to her I felt good for some reason.
She was always somewhere else, some place that she didn't even bothered in telling me about. I mean it's not like I wanted to control her, but I don't know she going away almost the whole day without saying a single word had a characteristic smell like fish. The brief moments she was there, online she was always "distracted by the smallest of things", it seemed weird and I always thought she was cheating on me.
I mean, if your significant other goes cold on you and starts treating you like if you were are random person, starts going away for several hours at the time and never wanting to tell you where he/she was and the moments were you could be together he/she would spend watching "Pasito perron" videos or getting distracted by the smallest of things. Anyone would thing that they don't give a shit about you, or that they are with someone else and that's why they act like that.
Maybe I just was overthinking it, but I can't deny it felt awful.
At the end we talked over the phone about it and I couldn't avoid feeling like she was laughing at me and not taking any seriously what I was telling her.
I stopped talking to her, a week straight without a word or sight from her. She even forgot my birthday.
I felt devastated that not even her, the same woman that told me that I was the best thing that ever happened to her, and that she wouldn't change me for anything, was going this to me, was treating me like shit because she knew how I felt and she never wanted to do something about it.
I guess she really didn't loved me like she said and maybe she was just playing with me all along.
I broke up with her the day after my birthday. You might say that it's a fresh wound, but I guess that at the end I would end up more hurt if I stayed with her, pursuing a future with someone that didn't cared at all.
So It's ok, I feel better now.
By the way, I turned 24 four days ago. Yeah, February 11th.
So yeah, I don't have a job yet and I don't have a girlfriend anymore, and all my friends are absent from my life.
Living la vida loca am I right?
You know, I just saw the date now and I see that it's February 14, It's valentines day, lets celebrate.
Because of the spirit of Valentines day, I am going to go ahead and take something out of my chest, something I guess I had stored for months and it is that I have a huge crush on @miiel
Mira, @miiel , esto es para ti porque se que el ingles no es muy tu fuerte aveces. Debo decir que si, es verdad lo que dije ya al final de todo eso, si me gustas bastante, casi desde que te vi me quede tonto por vos.
Aunque si, yo se, Talvez lo mas seguro ya tengas novio (o novia, no se) o podrias no estar interesada por X o Y razon, pero creo que tenia que decirlo antes que se me terminara la suscripcion y no pudiera decirtelo antes.
Bueno, se me termina en junio, pero hey, es San Valentin xD
So, at the end, that's what happened since the last time, nothing changed and honestly I had some adventures in comparison with the ones I had last year.
Hopefully I can find a job that wouldn't make me feel like shit and I can save up for the car, because now that I don't have the "lets go live with my girlfriend" thing, I thought that I can go ahead and study graphic design.
Who knows what will happen.
That's it for today so, see you next time.
Goodbye and godspeed.
