jjay

why can't i follow through with my ideas?

i know they are good ideas...or at least i assume they are

but i never take them far enough to find out

they usually end where they started in my head where nobody sees them, except me

I could sit here and blame things outside myself, beyond my control

the modern world with its deafining ejaculation of sound, images, and distraction

or the grind of daily life making you so tired you can't see straight

or perhaps my mother teaching me before memory how great failure and self pity can be

but none of those things or the 100's of others seem, adequate, they all fall short to explain it. Because in the end no matter how crappy my life has been or how mind numbing the outside world gets its all all a matter of how I, Me, myself internalize it. In other words its my own choice to belike this. And I am the only one to blame.

Unfortunatly for me changin who you are is the hardest of all...

it can happen though, right?

right

right?

don't sleep