Saturday Sep 06, 2008

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I am running on fumes today, and am in need of a friend... Any words of encouragement, reassurance, and support that you may have would be greatly appreciated.

It seems like I've had SO many of "those blogs" in the last few months that lately I've been reluctant to post another one...but I've just got so many words running around in my head today that I have to let them out before they drive me crazy eeek eeek For those of you who would rather skip the spoiler to see the nekkid pictures that I've uploaded today, it's all good...just as long as you leave me lots of love love behind after you look at them wink

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

In my last blog I wrote about it being a year since I moved to Pocatello from Spokane...it's just doesn't seem possible that it could really be that long since Flashmo and I have been here!

As I sit here today to write this, there is little that remains of the life that I once knew. In the last year or so, almost everything has changed for me...I've changed jobs three times, my kids are both gone now, I lost my last parent and have for all intents and purposes lost my in-laws as well... most of the friends that I knew are gone, I have a new home, in a new city and for the last two or three months I spent the majority of my time alone. I just feel like my life is in total dissaray...and I don't know that I've ever felt so lonely as I do right now. I wake up with no purpose, and go through the motions of the day because I know that is what I have to do, and everything I do seems to be such a chore! I can't seem to find the part of myself that loves to create beautiful things anymore, at a time when I need it the most. I see myself in the mirror, and for the first time in my life I see someone in their forties lookin' back at me...I feel as if my body has betrayed me somehow when I see the laugh lines around my eyes, and the little veins that are popping up all over my legs. I feel as if I am losing sight of the light at the end of the tunnel...and desperately need to find my hope again that things will be better soon so that I can keep holding on! I hate feeling this way...lost and numb. I'm normally such a positive person; I find joy and beauty everywhere and I try to see the best in everything and everybody but lately I've lost that part of me and I want it back! I'm guess maybe I am writing this today in hopes of borrowing your faith in a brighter future for a little while...I just really need some reassurance that things will be better soon! Thanks to all of you who read my blog, and take the time to leave your thoughtful comments...your support means a great deal to me, especially right now.



I do have some good news...my honey Flashmo will be home on Wednesday for a week!! WOOT-WOOT!! biggrin biggrin biggrin I'm pretty excited to see him, and to be able to spend some time catching up while he is home. Last time he came home for a week, it was amazing! A whole week filled with incredible sex, lots of love, adventures on the 4-wheelers, motorcycle rides and a couple trips to the titty bar. I'm sure this week will be as awesome, even if I will be working this time. My new boss gave me the day off on Friday so that we can spend a long weekend together, which was UBER cool since I'm technically not eligible for time-off until I've been there for 90 days. She's pretty cool though, and they REALLY want me to stick around for awhile so she's been great about letting me take time-off when I need it! Anyway...if I drop off the SG radar next week, that's why! Just know that I'm gettin' some, and that I'll be back again soon wink

I don't have much planned for the rest of my weekend...hanging out with Flashmo on the internet when I can will be the highlight, I'm sure! Other than that, have some chores to take care of around the house and out in the yard...and I'm hoping to finish reading the first few chapters of the manuscript that my good friend Bald_Eagle has been gracious enough to share with me. Special note to you...it's been very good so far, can't wait to pick it up again later tonight!

And as promised, here's bewbs:


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The rest are here if you are interested! I took these for my honey, been trying to keep him in bewbs and butt while he is away biggrin

If you didn't get the chance to see my Vlog last week, you should swing by my videos page to see it...I had a ball making it, and plan to make another in the very near future. Start thinkin' on some questions for me for next time biggrin biggrin

Much loves to you all, and thanks again for letting me vent a little today kiss kiss kiss

VIEW 25 of 28 COMMENTS
dreamergirl:
My g-d woman you are gorgeous!

I love the new profile pictures....
lilli:
Chat was so much fun last night. I missed you in there tonight.

Only two more sleeps till your honeyman is home!!! biggrin biggrin biggrin love love love

Big smooches to you! kiss kiss kiss

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