I am my own brand. .....I just noticed that today. I paint because I love to paint. I tell people I paint because I love to paint.
Diego Rivera painted murals and as I kid before I knew about Frida I loved Diego. I loved how you painted people. It was so strong and hard and laboring. I think to this day I'm still a kid loving the hardness of his brush.
I know I want to just paint none stop but I know if I do I will crash some point so I force my self to stop around 2 AM every night so I can wake up around 7 Am to do grown up nonsense that pays me a paycheck but I do daydream about what I will do when I'm only waking up to paint. It looks amazing. I kind of just want to pull do all the art off the walls of my studio and start painting.....I'm so tired of fearing how to get back home to paint more each day. I have painted from the light of streets when I was younger and now I fear all these things and I just don't know what is wrong with me?
I keep seeing these buses in videos that people made into traveling homes. They travel all up and down the country and honestly it looks so amazing. I see the adventures @radeo goes on her motorcycle and it wishes I could be so close to mountains right this moment.
I remember being younger and thinking one day I'll be this huge painter and randomly just vanish for ever. I see now the hole in my logic but I also see the magic in the idea.
All feels crazy.
crazy used to be what we were aiming for. We had our demon masks and our leather jackets
We played like outlaws. Spray cans and Whiskey bottles rattling around in dark grows gutters.
I remember one time we went to "Phat City". This ugly corner in the middle of fuck off and burn the place down for insurance money, where we liked to drink and have threesomes with spiders beside those burned out building; to see "The Imaginary Circus". They had fire breathers and sword swallowers. The one woman handed me a huge stick of chalk she had in her bra and told me to draw her "a garden". So I did. It was just wild and as I look back on it...that place was insane to even drive past. It lost its life to condos and time shares. All the girls with tu tus and fairy wings were gone and the fire pits were dragged away in the night and so that was the end of our great "Phat City". I guess that was the nature of things...to vanish.
Don't mind me.....just thinking.
fuck...i think adulthood is breaking me.....:(