jacquesdemolay

I was 21 years old on September 11th, 2001. I was woken up that day by my phone ringing. It was a friend of mine so out of his mind with fear that he could barely talk. He told me to turn on the TV. My thoughts ran first to my then girlfriend, who was in Manhattan that day, and then to the greater implications of the event.

Today I am 31 and I will never forget where I was this morning when I got today's news. In the time since I was 21 I have done quite a bit. I've traveled a lot, and ultimately settled (inasmuch as I ever settle down) in a country far away from the one of my birth. But today I learned that fear has followed me for what is essentially my entire adult life. It hasn't always been in the front of my mind, but it has surely always been at the back.

The war on terror, however that is defined, did not end with the death of Bin Laden. I still felt, as well as what I'm sure is no small number of other people (especially us expats) felt, was a sense of relief. The knowledge that such pure evil has been defeated, even if it was just one small part of what needed to be done, was a comfort. I hadn't even realized how heavily this fear had weighed on me until it was lifted. Perhaps my travels have added to my level of fear, in that they have taken me out of the insular life I lead in the US, and Americans abroad are always the ones told to fear the most.

Today told me I am not above feeling afraid of those things I had thought were simply abstracts, but I also learned those people who are protecting us never give up. I am humbled, grateful and relieved all at the same time.