My journey in joining Suicide Girls was a long one; it actually took around five years!
At the age of 17, I was a very self-conscious, negative girl who didn't quite know how to go around gaining confidence or starting to love herself. I was in an unloving, toxic relationship with a man around 17 years older than me, who was mentally abusive and didn't respect me. Long story short, I wasn't in a happy place. One day, I came across SG and fell in love with the style of images, the girls, the concept itself. I sat there and wished I looked like those girls and wished I had the confidence to be nude so freely in front of the camera, so proud showing off what I have. Then I thought to myself, I'd love to do a photoshoot and just try it; see what happens. I only had a little tattoo on my rib at this point and assumed that I wasn't inked enough to even dream of joining. But then, I looked into the terms & conditions and found out that indeed I could apply so immediately I started to look for a photographer that would want to help me out and work on a SG set together.
I met a lovely photographer who had his own studio and was more than happy to work with me. I turned up to his studio in Charing Cross and we started the shoot. I was so nervous, not knowing what to expect... To my surprise, as soon as we started shooting, I felt so comfortable. It was an amazing feeling; modelling felt so natural to me, like it was something that was always meant to happen. Like it was *the* thing missing in my life to help me discover myself in new ways, and fall in love with something new that gives me purpose.
A few weeks later, I received the photos and I was beyond happy with them. However, I was silly and didn't look into the actual conditions/rules for photosets before the shoot and therefore our set didn't follow most of the rules... So I couldn't submit them. And I didn't go out looking to do another shoot that followed the rules of submission, instead I decided to get better at this first so that I can present a better, more confident version of myself to SG.
The next four years of my life was all about studying and modelling. I found myself shooting a lot with lots of different photographers, discovering new genres that I enjoy, travelling all over the UK for shoots, getting better and better at make-up and finding my angles. The next thing I knew was that it suddenly somehow became more than a hobby. I started getting paid for modelling, and it was the most amazing feeling in the world. Such a huge achievement, such a milestone to reach. I was proud. For the first time in my life, I could confidently say I was proud of something I'd done.
I always quietly dreamed of one day working with a SG staff photographer and doing an ace set. Never did I dream that it would actually be the very first set I ever shoot for SG. The set that I'd put out there before any other... A few days ago, I shot with Tripodski and applied for Suicide Girls. I'm beyond excited to see what comes out of this, I'm so excited and grateful for this whole new platform to explore and create content for.
There's always room for improvement. I hope I learn the ways of Suicide Girls, but I'm just so happy to finally be here. Dreams definitely come true, you just gotta keep dreaming.
