For sake of coolness, I'm going to assume it's a tomahawk missile...

dumb. chop your bells off with it.

I got a pair of sasquatch leg warmers.

I can't believe that you are buying a house. I desperately want to buy a house but for some unknowable reason Toronto an incredibly expensive place to live. I want to choke myself when I think about buying a house. How can I be so broke and so fucking stupid? How come lots of stupid people have lots of money and lots of houses and I am apparently smart and I will have to work until I am 110 to buy a shack?

The Life Aquatic was a bit too whimiscal for me. Have you seen it yet?

I'm going to assume you chopped your balls off with it...