The Butterfly Effect (copyright 2019 by Michael Walker)
1. When I drop this book, the zombified corpse of Richard Nixon will begin to do the "Hustle" at a disco in Salerno.
2. When I drink this coffee, an eighty-year old seamstress in Washington, DC, will wake up to find herself inexplicably blessed with beautiful hands.
3. When I ride into the sunset, a stained-glass window will be found to power all the birds of secular doom.
4. When I finally cut my beard, I will be clean-shaven...
5. When I finally learn to breathe, it will be because...