Call me a hopeless romantic. Or call me an idiot. I don't really know. I sure as shit don't give a flying fuck either. I have certain ideals in my head about women. I try not to be the like every other asshole guy out there. I will always open any and every door for them. I will help seat them in the restaurant. I will come up to your door when I pick you up, and will walk you to the door when I drop you off and make sure you get in the house. I don't outright hit on women. Never have. Never will. I'm a dork. I'm too shy, too timid, and I start over assessing everything in my head. I think too much, which is a problem sometimes. So I don't think about it and don't try (which in a sense might really be trying) Yet, the girls I end up falling for don't give a fuck about me, while the girls (and friends) who I don't go for, end up doing exactly that. The older I get, the more I realize that there are many out there who don't look at me as a one night stand. Which I guess isn't a bad thing by any means. It kind of sucks though, because there are a few interests I have, but I can't pursue them. I know some of them are interested as well, but they're not looking for a relationship, or they're not doing anything for some other reason. (Say I have a big ego, I don't care, but I think some of them feel as if they're not ready to date me just because some of these girls think they're going to marry me or try to be with me, and some of them aren't ready for that or whatever.) I don't know. My situation sucks. I come from a well to do family. My family is large, and because I'm a quadruplet, we're local celebrities more or less among our peers and town. Many people know me, or someone in my family. I've had friends and people I hardly know said they feel sorry for me and my brothers. They said it must suck, because instantly off the bat people think you're rich, that you drive a nice car, live in a nice place, have lots of money, and to try and meet girls and actually try and figure out if this chick is into you for who you are or if it's because of what you might potentially have. Sadly, this is the first thing that does pop into my head when I meet somebody new, almost always. I hate it. Is it just me being paranoid or what? I dunno. I forget my exact point of this. Sorry about going off on a tangent. I do that. . . Sorry, I'm just thinking about someone I hold in a special place that I thought was going to go somewhere and it hardly got off the ground, but is not in shambles or disarray, just never got going anywhere. Even though I was hoping that it would.
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