I woke up absurdly early on a saturday. 6:30 and my body said, “wake up asshole. You’re done with the night”. Made breakfast and checked movie times. The Hobbit was playing and I was going to see it. Waking up early wasn’t as bad as I may be making it out. It gave me the time I needed to make the movie and still get to Intracoastal in the early afternoon. My favorite time for weekend drinking.
During the movie I got a couple of texts from Joe and Chris. I had told both of them the night before that I would be hitting Intra that day. As soon as the movie was over, I checked my phone and saw them. I let them know I was heading there as soon as I got out of the theatre, I quickly made it out to the car and was on my way, to what I don’t know at the time, would be a night to remember.
I pulled into Intra’s parking lot and saw that it was packed with cars, but none of them were Joe or Chris’s. It seems I was going to start alone, and have to find a seat. Walking through the door, I saw people everywhere, but mostly around a table under the window with balloons attached to it. A party was going in full swing. Birthday, anniversary, or something of the likes. I didn’t know which and it really wasn’t important, the counter at the bar was empty in the middle and that was important. With growler in hand, I moseyed on over to a vacant seat at the bar. On my way there I recognized an acquaintance named Eric. I stopped and tapped him on the shoulder and said hi, and mentioned that Joe was on his way. Joe was our introduction to each other, so it seemed fitting to let him now he was coming for a few as well. A few! Ha, that was my only error of the night. I was going to be a good boy today, and have a couple, fill my growler and head home for my usual uneventful saturday night.
I sat a couple of seats from Eric so we could have a conversation without shouting across the bar if the need arose. He was with some buddies of his, so I was pretty much left to my own conversations in my head. Fortunately I know the bartenders rather well. I spoke to Amy at length about Sons of anarchy, and then John about things beer and ugly christmas sweater related. Before those conversations occurred though I needed a beer, and John looked at me and said, “you want the IPA?”.”I absolutely do.” “Really?” “Yep, that’s what I came here for. I saw it was new and on tap.” I always try to get what ever is new on tap before I hit the others that I enjoy. With beer in hand, I became content with everything.
An older couple sat a seat away from me, I can’t remember exactly how we started conversing, but I learned that they were from Montana, and they were living the snowbird lifestyle in the beautiful Florida sun until march. A great couple and real enjoyable to talk to. I turned them on to a couple of beers that they wouldn’t have ordinarily chosen, so my good deed for the day was achieved. The smilies on their faces as the enjoyed those beers was a glorious sight indeed.
I ping ponged back and forth between the Montana snowbirds and Eric for a while. I noticed Joe walk in, and pointed him in the direction of Eric. They talked for a good while and that gave me a chance to talk a little more with Mr. and Mrs Montana. They finished up their beers and then told me I should make a trip out to Montana, and that they would see me again sometime before they went back. That was about the time that Chris finally walked through the door. Eric’s buddies left, and Joe and Chris filled in their seats. Eric then informed us about the night before, and how he had asked Amy what he would get if he did a “pint flight”. I joked that he would probably get arrested, but it turns out, that she said a shirt or something. Now for a little insight as to what a “pint flight’ would be. It would consist of a pint of everything on tap, which at Intra would be eight beers, well seven beers and a cider. Now that doesn’t sound all that difficult, so I asked Amy what the time limit would be. She said she hadn’t figured that out yet. I think we will have to reinvestigate the “pint flight” idea at another time.
About this time, I was ready to pay my first beer rental fee of the night. Walking to the bathroom, I ran into Donald and Kyle. I said hi to both and went about my intended business. I returned to my barstool and found a hipster type sitting in the empty stool next to me. He had a regular flight in front of him, doing a tasting of what was on. He was proceeding in a rather peculiar fashion. He was leaving half full glasses. Me personally, I see that as alcohol abuse. Donald noticed this as well. Oh yeah, I should probably introduce you to the brewer and owners of this fine establishment. Donald is brewer and co-owner with John and Kyle. There, introduction fulfilled. Back to the tale at hand. Donald walked up to the hipster gentleman and asked if everything was ok. He wanted a little feed back, and an understanding on why he wasn’t finishing anything. I had already asked the guy what he liked and disliked about what he was having, so I knew the response he was going to give. Donald said that he appreciated the criticism, and thanked him for coming in. the guy tried to apologizing to him for not liking everything, and Donald said, “No need, I like to hear things like that, It’s the only way we know what to do better”.
The party had left and everything quieted down a bit. Eric was the next one to peel off of the bar, and head for home, that left the three stooges, and we were feeling pretty good. At some point the conversation of strip clubs came up. Now I haven’t been to a strip club in years, maybe fifteen years to be closer to accurate. I’m not a fan of them. I find them to be pits of misogyny. My last trip to one left me with the impression that men went there for the sole purpose of getting the feeling of being a lion playing with its food before not eating it. At that point, I kind of decided that I had no need to go to one again. Saturday night at the bar changed that. Without even saying it, we all decided that we would not end this night without going to a strip club, but we needed food first.
After coming to the realization that we were each only a few beers away from doing our very own “pint flight”, food was our main objective. Coaster’s Pub it is. We paid our tabs and said good-bye to everyone, and walked into the darkness of the night and to our cars. Coaster’s was a quick jaunt over the bridge. After a beer for each of us, a little grub and two shots of Brew Dog Tokyo for each of us, it was time to hit the club.
Back to the cars it was. We had to make a pit stop at a convenience store so the boys could hit up an ATM to get a little extra cabbage for the ladies. The strip club of choice, just happened to be the very same club that I had last been to. Tootsies was the name, and it appeared from the outside, that not much had changed. I walked in and found that the only thing that did change, were the people inside We sauntered over to the bar and grabbed some drinks and then found ourselves a small table. Our table happened to be right next to a guy that we all know as “creepy Nationals hat guy”. although he was not wearing the hat of his favorite baseball team, he was no less creepy. There, in that club however, he was a star. The ladies all seemed to know him, which meant that he was a regular there. Not really a surprise at all. I looked around and saw the familiar faces of the strip club patrons. No, they weren’t the same people, but they were the same type of people that are always there. The creepy guy (he was mentioned before), the gangster wanna-be, the awkward couple, the lonely guy, and last but not least, the guy with smilies in his eyes. Then there were the ladies. they were all beautiful in their own ways, and all were willing to do their dances for our money.
Joe jumped up from the bench we were sitting on, and took a seat at the stage. Chris and I sat back and watched the view in front of us. A front stage stripper slithered her way over to Joe, and quickly flipped around and threw her legs over Joe’s shoulders. He tipped his lovely lady and she went on her way. I looked at Chris and said, “Let’s go”. In a hop, skip, and a jump we were both sitting alongside Joe front stage. I wrapped myself in misogyny like it was a wool coat and took in the whole mad crazy scened as it unraveled in front of me. Each woman was more beautiful than the next, and a really weird thing happened to me. I began talking like I was from the 1950’s. “Thank you dear, Hi darling, you are an absolute doll.” I don’t ever remember talking like that, but it seemed to work with my natural politeness. Thanking each lady that paid attention to me with a dollar and a kind word.
A few buddies of Joe walked in, and we immediately called them over. I told Chris to come over and sit in an empty seat by me so Joe could sit next to his friends. The two of us were tapping each other every time a new girl would come on stage, then I saw her. The one girl that caught my eye, and wouldn’t let it go. She was a gone gal that was wearing a little white lingerie outfit that contrasted beautifully with her rich chocolate skin. She was a sight to behold. I turned to Chris and said,” that is the girl that can take all of my money”. The next song came on and she made her way to the front stage with the pole. The gangster wanna-be who was acting a fool and dancing around when the girls would come near him. They all knew him, and paid quite a bit of attention to him. He was one of the types that throws the money at the girls and smacks their asses when they turn around for him. He or his type is the reason I don’t like strip clubs. I digress, the girl of my current dream went to him first and let him do his jackass thing. She looked over and saw us. She turned and thanked the OG and crawled over to where we were. Chris was the first one she made contact with. He tipped her and she made her way to me. I looked straight into her eyes, and she said, “look at you, you need the boobies.” I smiled not knowing what to say at all, not that I had anytime to say anything anyway. she grabbed me by the shoulders and jammed my face between her breasts. She smelled like what I would assume the garden of eden would have smelled. Pure flowery and wonderful. The feel of her warm skin pressed against my face, was something that I hadn’t felt in a long time, and right then, I was in love with the moment. She pulled away and I must have looked like I was in a joyful shock. I tipped her, and she worked the rest of the stage area.
Chris must have noticed the look on my face, he tapped me and said, “yep, she can take all of your money.” and laughed. She disappeared from my sight into the back when the song was over, and a new girl was front and center. All the girls rotated through with each song, all doing their thing. There was more, thank you dear, darling, and doll. I received many, “I love your beard”, which was soon followed by a tug and a stroke of it. One girl did the breast trick to me again, and I’m not convinced that she didn’t try to rip my head off. All I could say was,”that was violent”. Joe and Chris saw it and loved it, They laughed and said,”holy shit, did she try to rip your head off?”. My reply, “I think so.”.
A few girls came over and sat by Joe trying to work him for private dances, but he didn’t seem interested in that, he was more involved with the chaos of the “stage game”. I asked him how much the dances were. I intended to get one from my dark beauty. He thought it was $15. I was running low on ones and went to the door guy and exchanged a ten spot. I got back in time to notice my girl was coming up next.
I turned to Chris and told him I was going to get a dance from her. It was her turn to go up to the pole. She immediately caught my eye and came over to me. Face to face we were, and I said, “I want a dance from you when you get the chance darling.”, there I go with the 1950’s talk again. She said,”sure thing” and worked the rest of the stage. I needed to make a quick trip to the bathroom and get rid of the several drinks I had had their. When I came back Joe and Chris had gotten up from the stage and were standing around a high top. I joined them as I waited to see if she would come out of the back and give me the time of day for that dance.
She came out of the backstage area, and came directly up to me. she squeezed my shoulder and said, “come on baby, you ready for that dance?”. “Absolutely”, there was no way I was saying no, and back to the champagne room we went. There were a few other dances going on in there and she found a place on the back wall for us to sit. I sat next to her with my arm on the back of the bench behind her. Small talk ensued while we waited for the next song so she could start her dance. She asked the prerequisite, are you married, do you have kids, do you live around here. I gave her all the answers. There was so much I wanted to ask her like, how long have you been doing this, why a job as a stripper, do you enjoy doing this, will you marry me. Ok the last one never entered my mind, but the others did, and I felt that they wouldn’t go ever well and were inappropriate, so I held my tongue.
The song was beginning to wind done, so she stood up to start the dance when the next song started. She promptly fell over and I caught her before she went down. She pointed down at her shoes, and said her heal caught on the bench. They were platform f-me pumps. I looked at her and said,”those must be uncomfortable”. “No not at all, they actually have a lot of support”. Yeah, that’s the kind of romantic talk I have with a stripper. I pointed down at my own shoes, and said,”these work for me”. They were my oldest and most trusted pair of black Chucks. “I love Chucks”, she won my heart with that line, and the song began.
I can’t remember what the song was, I don’t even know if I heard it. The only thing within my focus, was her. she straddled me on the bench and began to grind. Grind little NIkki grind. She stopped for a second and giggled, and quickly took her top off. “I forgot about that.” I didn’t mind. She then leaned into me and said you have to smack it, and then slapped her ass. “I’m sorry, I’m not the smacking type. Not really my thing.” “ You don’t have to apologize baby, it’s alright.” She grabbed my hands which were down on the bench along side of her and put them on her round firm ass. She had this unreal complexity about the way she felt. She was soft and feminine yet hard as steel. I caressed her and it was amazing. In that moment, nothing else matter, we were two beings connected. Yes, I know it was only on my side of things that felt like that. I’m not foolish enough to think that if we were anywhere else she would pay any attention to me, but in that moment, for the first time if years, I felt alive. She continued the grind and planted my face between her breast again, and there was that smell of purity again. She backed up a little and said,”sorry, I’m a little sweaty”. “That’s fine”, I didn’t mind at all, the feeling of her skin and light sweat on her body, just made it that much more real.
The dance went on for what seemed like an eternity but not nearly long enough at the same time. I stood up and gave her a twenty and once again went all 1950’s on her. “Thank you darling, you are a treasure”. She thanked me and said,”can you tie me up?” My first thought, was of course one of perversion, but I knew she only wanted me to tie her top for her, none the less, I’m sure I had a cheesy grin on my face. I tied her top for her and we said our good-byes with a hug.
I figured the night wasn’t going to be any better than that, so I found Joe and Chris and said good-bye to them. I turned around, and once again walked out into the darkness of night.