Wednesday Sep 17, 2003

0
what does it mean to be me,
to be in my skin?
is it to be a girl
or a student
or a best friend
or a lover?
maybe it means all of these things.
i certainly don't identify
myself with these titles.
i identify myself with my
feelings, values, desires.
how do you identify me?

i participate in the same activities
week after week
i see the same people
day after day.
am i just another face in the crowd
or do i stand out to someone,
anyone.

try to walk in my shoes;
perhaps it will be too different,
too strange.
or perhaps you will see
what i see
and feel what i feel
and maybe,
just maybe,
you will see you.
surreal
alistairmather:
i tried walking in anothers shoes once. i deconstructed who i was and carefully and agonisingly rebuilt my id from observences, writings, conversations, scents, impulses, and a little bit of guess work.

and then i was them. i saw their world and their beliefs and knew everything there was to know about them. i was stunned and awed by my own cleverness and taken by the beauty of a mind that can let me do this thing. i set out and tried it again and again, many times seeing new worlds, many times being new people, and always it got easier.

i don't do it anymore. one day i awoke and realized could not remember who i had been at the beginning. it is easy for me to see anothers world, but i have paid the price of not being able to see my own for it. i would give much to find that which i have lost.

i suppose the lesson is that we do not need to have others recognize us for us in order to be who we are. our uniqueness is what makes us wonderful and pretty and strong. we do not need the rest of the universe to admit that we exist, we must need only know that we are we and always shall be we.

share who you are and what you know and what you perceive with everyone you meet, but remember that your lonliness is a sign of your individuality and cherish it for what it is.

[Edited on Sep 17, 2003]
alistairmather:
many people seem to request that and i unfortunately cannot oblige. i have a mild fear of camera's and mirrors, for what looks back out from that reflective eye is not the me i know. beware the people who live in mirrors for there is malice in their smiles and lies behind their eyes.

that said, perhaps someday i will move further into this modern world and find a digital medium with which to present myself. in the meanwhile, picture an albino hairless rat about the size of a twelve year old boy dying of starvation. add a fringe of ragged, falling out brown hair to his head and leprosy to his pale flaking flesh and you will have a pretty close approximation to how i appear.

i really wish i was exaggerating that. the gods saw fit to give me the gift of words and madness, not the beauty of the flesh or the confidence of the hero.

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