cinnamon-raisin toast rules my ass.
my Noah will be back tomorrow!!!
i have missed so enormously-maybe now i can sleep again.
he will come bearing tales of dust and debauchery.
:sigh:
i am a blessed woman.
i now have an open marriage.
we always discussed the possibility of such an arrangement, but it was something that was always projected.
not open in the "let's go to the swinger's bar and pick-up a couple for group sex"
or "anonymous/semi-anonymous liasons".
no, it was merely the notion that there's an abundance of nifty people around, and if we met someone and cultivated a friendship and then if we felt relations might be a logical step, proceed.
just practice honesty, safety, and a bit of discretion.
make sure we could handle such a thing.
and recently i did meet someone-a boy that outwardly seemed compatible and amenable to this strange new situation.
he had a few lovers, none particularly serious, so no one else was at risk of being hurt.
victimless crime.
we spent some time familiarizing ourselves with the other-
i found him to be a wonderful, if flawed, person.
he's fighting against this great soul inside.
he's said and done things in the last week that have made me feel like trash.
he's made me wish i hated him, because that would be so much easier than facing the ridiculous and devastating realization that i could be in love with him.
and why?
there isn't a good reason-
all i know is that i don't meet people that i enjoy this much very often, and when i do i care very fiercely.
i am a loving person, and i give of my love very freely when i want to.
whether someone accepts it or not is up to them-it has no bearing on my love.
love isn't conditional on love being returned.
i don't pretend that we could ever be anything more than whatever-i love my Noah more than ever, and my relations with The Boy don't dishonour or diminish that.
....i didn't set out to fall in love-in fact, Boy has forbidden any kind of emotional attachment.
but i don't choose who i love.
i see no end to this confusion....
the only solution in sight is to rip off the band-aid.
quit him cold-turkey.
lose his number and forget his name....
it won't be easy, but i can't let anything be, anyway.
and in spite of it all, i love him still.
my Noah will be back tomorrow!!!
i have missed so enormously-maybe now i can sleep again.
he will come bearing tales of dust and debauchery.
:sigh:
i am a blessed woman.
i now have an open marriage.
we always discussed the possibility of such an arrangement, but it was something that was always projected.
not open in the "let's go to the swinger's bar and pick-up a couple for group sex"
or "anonymous/semi-anonymous liasons".
no, it was merely the notion that there's an abundance of nifty people around, and if we met someone and cultivated a friendship and then if we felt relations might be a logical step, proceed.
just practice honesty, safety, and a bit of discretion.
make sure we could handle such a thing.
and recently i did meet someone-a boy that outwardly seemed compatible and amenable to this strange new situation.
he had a few lovers, none particularly serious, so no one else was at risk of being hurt.
victimless crime.
we spent some time familiarizing ourselves with the other-
i found him to be a wonderful, if flawed, person.
he's fighting against this great soul inside.
he's said and done things in the last week that have made me feel like trash.
he's made me wish i hated him, because that would be so much easier than facing the ridiculous and devastating realization that i could be in love with him.
and why?
there isn't a good reason-
all i know is that i don't meet people that i enjoy this much very often, and when i do i care very fiercely.
i am a loving person, and i give of my love very freely when i want to.
whether someone accepts it or not is up to them-it has no bearing on my love.
love isn't conditional on love being returned.
i don't pretend that we could ever be anything more than whatever-i love my Noah more than ever, and my relations with The Boy don't dishonour or diminish that.
....i didn't set out to fall in love-in fact, Boy has forbidden any kind of emotional attachment.
but i don't choose who i love.
i see no end to this confusion....
the only solution in sight is to rip off the band-aid.
quit him cold-turkey.
lose his number and forget his name....
it won't be easy, but i can't let anything be, anyway.
and in spite of it all, i love him still.
johnmc:
Sac Poly in case you haven't already joiined up.
1_dying_wish:
boy, some guys have all the luck.