Well I have been off my meds for over a week now and I can tell you that I surely can feel it.
It is hard but some how I am managing to keep myself occupied and not thinking horrible thoughts like driving my car into oncoming traffic. I dunno I still am feeling like I don't want to be on this planet anymore but I am not willing to kill myself to get out of this mess.
I gave a note to my ex's mom so she could see how I felt. I told her I couldn't be her friend anytime soon. I told her how much I missed her and had to keep myself from calling her and begging her every day. I told her about how I worry about her and still am madly in love with her. I also told her about the money I had been saving to buy her an engagement ring for Christmas and about how that money is all gone now. I suppose spending that money on getting three new piercings, two tattoos and gauging up my ears was probably better spent in the long run.
I am not sure but for once in a long time I feel proud of myself. Some how I always find that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. I am doing all right at my job and I have made a crap load of friends in the past few weeks, also found a few old ones. In the last month I have also lost about 30lbs and with exercise and watching my diet I feel better and better.
My only worry now is my newly rediscovered fondness for beer. I have spent far too many nights lately out getting drunk and then driving home. Most nights I am mindful and don't drink too much, but the other night lets just say I remember I drove home but I don't remember driving home. That was also partly due to the fact that some kid at the party I went to gave me a demoral.
I dunno it's all kinds of fucked up in the grand scheme of things. For some reason I am still here. I guess I am finally trying to do my part now and be patient.
See also:
complex delusion
illusion
false hope
"Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change"
-Confucius-
"Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs."
-William Shakespeare-
+++++++++++++end transmission+++++++++++++++++
It is hard but some how I am managing to keep myself occupied and not thinking horrible thoughts like driving my car into oncoming traffic. I dunno I still am feeling like I don't want to be on this planet anymore but I am not willing to kill myself to get out of this mess.
I gave a note to my ex's mom so she could see how I felt. I told her I couldn't be her friend anytime soon. I told her how much I missed her and had to keep myself from calling her and begging her every day. I told her about how I worry about her and still am madly in love with her. I also told her about the money I had been saving to buy her an engagement ring for Christmas and about how that money is all gone now. I suppose spending that money on getting three new piercings, two tattoos and gauging up my ears was probably better spent in the long run.
I am not sure but for once in a long time I feel proud of myself. Some how I always find that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. I am doing all right at my job and I have made a crap load of friends in the past few weeks, also found a few old ones. In the last month I have also lost about 30lbs and with exercise and watching my diet I feel better and better.
My only worry now is my newly rediscovered fondness for beer. I have spent far too many nights lately out getting drunk and then driving home. Most nights I am mindful and don't drink too much, but the other night lets just say I remember I drove home but I don't remember driving home. That was also partly due to the fact that some kid at the party I went to gave me a demoral.
I dunno it's all kinds of fucked up in the grand scheme of things. For some reason I am still here. I guess I am finally trying to do my part now and be patient.
See also:
complex delusion
illusion
false hope
"Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change"
-Confucius-
"Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs."
-William Shakespeare-
+++++++++++++end transmission+++++++++++++++++
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
apathy:
beeeer
beeeer 
trexy111:
you are too sweet babe.