Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

gahz

O - Town

Member Since 2006

Followers 41 Following 55

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Monday Oct 30, 2006

Oct 30, 2006
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
Couple of really interesting things happened over the last few days.

I haven't had any of my medication for depression since Thursday. So far I am actually doing alright. Last night I cried for the first time in a while and it felt good. I hated not caring and not feeling anything because of my meds.

What interestingly enough that came out of that was that I had a very long candid conversation with my ex's best friend. She has become one of my better friends over the last month and we talked about everything I have been feeling with my last relationship. Turns out, my ex has been not exactly been telling people the truth about our relationship and why we are not together. There was a long list of things that we talked about and my friend Joanna was stunned because she basically found out that Kelli, my ex, had been hiding over half of her life from her. Also my ex never ever told any of her friends just how much I was taking care of her and what all things I had done for her. Including one of the first times my ex tried to leave me I even pushed her car and helped her jump start it. Joanna also found out just exatcly how much money Kelli owed me. Now Joanna can see exactly why this has been so hard on me and how much of this was really my fault.

The fact of the matter is I was probably one of the best boyfriends for my ex that any guy could have been. All of my friends and my ex's friends have told me that. Yeah it is admirable that she wants to pay me back but I know that it is only because she wants to not feel guilty about owing me money.

I don't want her money, I don't want to be her friend, I just don't want to hurt any more.

I still love her, but deep down, I just want my fucking heart back.

I already gave her the last thing I can, which was to let her go.


++++++++++++++++++++end transmission++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
unholyroach:
give things time and wounds will heal. crying is good, very good. im worried casue its been a month for me and i have yet to cry. you let me know if you need anything. were in a similar boat here.
Oct 31, 2006
mstwinkle:
"I hated not caring and not feeling anything because of my meds."

I don't take any medication just for that reason. It's hard without it, but life is (in the end) much better and more fulfilling.
Nov 1, 2006

More Blogs

  • 11.08.06
    1

    Thursday Nov 09, 2006

    Sorry for the eariler blog post. Things with family just blew up in …
  • 11.08.06
    0

    Wednesday Nov 08, 2006

    Why can't fucking people realize what they are giving me I can't hand…
  • 11.04.06
    8

    Saturday Nov 04, 2006

    Well I have been off my meds for over a week now and I can tell you t…
  • 10.30.06
    3

    Monday Oct 30, 2006

    Couple of really interesting things happened over the last few days. …
  • 10.27.06
    5

    Saturday Oct 28, 2006

    OMG! I just got home from one of the craziest parties ever. There …
  • 10.23.06
    4

    Monday Oct 23, 2006

    Well it has been a couple of days since I have posted a new blog. …
  • 10.17.06
    1

    Tuesday Oct 17, 2006

    So I am stoked! My tattooing gear I ordered got here today so now …
  • 10.15.06
    1

    Sunday Oct 15, 2006

    So some how the restraunt I work at did manage to get open. I don't …
  • 10.13.06
    2

    Saturday Oct 14, 2006

    So in the past two days the kitchen at my work caught fire, I got too…
  • 10.09.06
    0

    Monday Oct 09, 2006

    Read More

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
9
months
9
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,593 SuicideGirls
  • 1,120,514 followers
  • 14,920,612 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,392,861 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo