Good evening everyone,
I know I generally post pretty gloomy things quite often. So today's post is no exception.
This post contains my personal experience with rape and my stand point on all this bullshit.
If you are curious what I am talking about, head over to twitter.com and search the hashtag: #WhyWomenDontReport.
Thank you all for reading, but please read at your own risk.
My experience, as most of you know was recent.
It is still something that haunts me to this day, as well as every day from the past with that person.
So, I wrote everything as a tweet and honestly don't think I can handle rewritting this whole thing.
Please bear with me, as obviously its going to be a little choppy since it was made for Twitter.
TWITTER:
(1/11) He was controlling and abusive. He tried killing himself. Because I tried to stop him, I was forcefully touched, raped.
(2/11) Few days later, he tried killing me. Running around, screaming, feeling helpless. Until cops FINALLY showed.
(3/11) However, it wasn't taken seriously because they assumed I was a homeless prostitute due to the abundance of ladies in the area.
(4/11) Now, he has film of a time he scared me into recording a video. After I deleted it, it ended up on his phone.
(5/11) He uses it to show people he "didn't rape" me. Unfortunately, people w/ a similar style of thinking believe him.
(6/11) Now, I risk the video going public if I press charges or at the very least get a restraining order.
(7/11) A video that if public, knowing the society we live in. Regardless of anything, I will be the "slut" and constantly under fire.
(8/11) Fortunately, it is illegal in the state of Florida to publish and/or profit off of such material.
(9/11) Unfortunately, society has taught me that once you have been seen nude publicly; who cares what's done onto you.
(10/11) Now, I sit in fear that he will find me. I sit in fear that people will only listen to him. I sit in fear that I won't be heard.
(11/11) So, now I ask you. Do you want someone like Trump in office? Someone who gloats about such behavior?
I don't like either political candidate, but as someone who has gone through such bullshit. I cannot be in an okay state of mind if someone such as Trump is in office. Yes, I get it; Hillary fucked up royally. But, the shit from Trumps mouth is outrageous.
Now, I want to talk about something that isn't addressed too often; the aftermath of this kind of abuse.
THE AFTERMATH:
I have had anxiety since I was three years old. Over the years it has gotten worse and gotten better. I also developed depression at the age of thirteen. Which also has it's highs and lows. I used to control my anxiety and depression with marijuana, starting at the age of fifteen or sixteen. It wasn't until the recent events that I learned how to properly smoke marijuana for my anxiety and depression. I currently now toke on a bowl or two for a day; thirty to forty minutes apart.
The reasoning -- I was overly depressed and anxious. Scared of my own shadow, wanted to just end it all to avoid the pain.
Lately, I tried to not smoke; as I don't like dependencies. Unfortunately, my anxiety flares up so bad I go into seizures, I have flashbacks so hard death seems like a fucking Christmas gift that I want with all my being. Almost like catching Santa on Christmas as a child. Except now Santa is death and Christmas is everyday.
I am so thankful to have someone who understands anxiety and is willing to learn more and help.
But, the reality of this is not everyone (men and women alike) have the security of someone else there for them.
The reality is the days and nights of vomiting, seizing, crying, wishing for death, scared of everything, and what little trust was there, is no longer there for anyone. It's days of being so scared you hide IN YOUR OWN FUCKING HOUSE.
The long term mental effects are there for awhile and for some, there to stay.
No one talks about the aftermath, just that rape is a thing.
It happens to men and women and it's one of the most swept under the rug topics.
Those who hide, just know I love you and will be here to talk if needed.
But, now onto medical marijuana. Florida, I am looking at you.
MEDICAL MARIJUANA:
My reasoning for using marijuana instead of pills is simply I dislike pills. My family has a history with either allergic to pills or something worse. My mother also has anxiety and depression. When she was in her early twenties, she was PRESCRIBED medicine. That medicine which when administered even correctly causes an addiction. She was thrown into a psych ward, for an ADDICTION to pills that she was PRESCRIBED. She wasn't allowed near family, friends, nor my father/her husband. I refuse to walk the same path.
I think medical marijuana should be legalized.
It will help people who don't know what strains to buy, or someone like my mom who when smoking chronic goes into a panic attack. It helps people know what they're smoking and to comprehend how to smoke properly. Instead of taking huge hits and being down for the count. You can smoke and be super productive.
It stops my flashbacks, anxiety, depression, and stress related seizures.
When combined with a walk, i.e. joint walk, it can peal away stress.
I will probably fight pills with marijuana until I die.
I have taken forensic classes and during some of those classes we are shown what pills really do to our system.
Now, I am sure there will be at least one person saying smoking isn't good for you either.
Sure, obviously there are risks. Especially when using papers (rolling a joint or doobie).
The chemicals are unhealthy which is why I do own glass. To help filter out those simply avoidable chemicals.
At that point, the argument about pills goes out the window as at that point it is healthier than taking medication that will most definitely kill your insides. Depending how often you are taking them, it can quicken the rate of killing your organs.
I know this was a long read and I appreciate those who stuck it out and read this post.
Thank you all for your time and feel free to leave your voice below.
Thoughts, opinions, experiences. As this for me is a place of love and will not in any way bash or turn away from someone who needs help. <3