it's been a bit since i've spoken at all here... i honestly somehow forgot about the blog capabilities of SG... i even have 2 comments on my last blog that i'd forgotten to reply to
so, i'm a bit of an idiot... placing The Girl, yes, the girl who once said she would marry me, on a bit of a pedestal... not actually, however I have considered spending time with her more important that some other things, such as the emotional well-being of my roommates and my job -- which is absolutely absurd.
problem is, i have been increasingly aware of the fact i'm not at all doing what i want with my life -- this has long been my problem (let's at this point mention that at noon, i am drunk) that i constantly think of what i would like my life to be like, and this daydreaming has been perpetually in the way of actually doing what I should to acheive my goal. i.e., school's such a pain, and so boring, that it's difficult to endure, and yet it is the first step on my way. but thinking, "i don't want to be in school," gets in the way of me recognizing that getting school over with is the first step to not being in shool, to being where i want to be.
and this is where the problem comes in - The Girl came back into my life just as I'm recognizing this, and so the thoughts I would be having are skewed to: I don't want to go to work/school; I want to spent time with this girl. Which is absolutely true, I honestly and joyfully asked this girl to marry me, and such. Issue is, she and I are going different places. but i am a bit of a git at the moment, hoping a fool's hope that maybe we'll work out this time. [for the reocrd, the official stance, by her and by me, is that we will, in fact, work out... just NOT at this time.]
i had quit drinking when i realized my accepted stand of Drunk By Noon was probably a bit irresponsible. I like to tell myself I drink not because i'm depressed (which i am), but because i'm simply bored. but considering once i get dressed from my shower (i had the rum in my shower, you see) then I will be speaking to my academic advisor to prepare for the upcoming semester, and then, ridiculously, driving 3+ hours to spen the evening/tomorrow with, yes, this Girl... then yes, it's probably not because i'm bored.
Is it possible to be p'whipped by a girl with whom you have not had sex in 1y8m?
(yes.)
i'm just glad i'm sot sucidal again.
so, i'm a bit of an idiot... placing The Girl, yes, the girl who once said she would marry me, on a bit of a pedestal... not actually, however I have considered spending time with her more important that some other things, such as the emotional well-being of my roommates and my job -- which is absolutely absurd.
problem is, i have been increasingly aware of the fact i'm not at all doing what i want with my life -- this has long been my problem (let's at this point mention that at noon, i am drunk) that i constantly think of what i would like my life to be like, and this daydreaming has been perpetually in the way of actually doing what I should to acheive my goal. i.e., school's such a pain, and so boring, that it's difficult to endure, and yet it is the first step on my way. but thinking, "i don't want to be in school," gets in the way of me recognizing that getting school over with is the first step to not being in shool, to being where i want to be.
and this is where the problem comes in - The Girl came back into my life just as I'm recognizing this, and so the thoughts I would be having are skewed to: I don't want to go to work/school; I want to spent time with this girl. Which is absolutely true, I honestly and joyfully asked this girl to marry me, and such. Issue is, she and I are going different places. but i am a bit of a git at the moment, hoping a fool's hope that maybe we'll work out this time. [for the reocrd, the official stance, by her and by me, is that we will, in fact, work out... just NOT at this time.]
i had quit drinking when i realized my accepted stand of Drunk By Noon was probably a bit irresponsible. I like to tell myself I drink not because i'm depressed (which i am), but because i'm simply bored. but considering once i get dressed from my shower (i had the rum in my shower, you see) then I will be speaking to my academic advisor to prepare for the upcoming semester, and then, ridiculously, driving 3+ hours to spen the evening/tomorrow with, yes, this Girl... then yes, it's probably not because i'm bored.
Is it possible to be p'whipped by a girl with whom you have not had sex in 1y8m?
(yes.)
i'm just glad i'm sot sucidal again.
pastura:
um. god. i'm fighting through a migraine right now, so i can't touch all that with a ten foot pole. i'm thinking the light in all of that is the fact that you're actually thinking about this. i mean, you're reflecting on it and trying to figure it out. you're able to see multiple sides. that's a good thing in and of itself. you're not buried in denial and you're not suicidal. read some Neruda and don't think about marriage. DON'T i said.