foxyfoxglove

Can Sex Be A Power Trip?

Well, that is the age old question isn't it. Are there times you have sex not just because of the experience and not just because you want to be with the person but because it is also a power trip.

I think most people do use sex in this way - not all the time, not as a matter of course but sometimes.

I don't think many people intentionally use it as a power trip and for me, if it is obvious that is what is going on, that is a sure fire way af making me run fast in the opposite direction. I doubt many people would actually put up with someone being with them purely as a power trip, but there are tijmes you wonder if you are just that or it crosses your mind that part of the reason you find yourself in a situation is (to a small degree) for that reason too,

Oh yes, this is a particular situation. He is someone I like. Someone I get on with. Someone I can spend hours on the phone with and realise the sun is rising and have no idea we have talked throughout the night. Someone I see in a completely different way than most females do. Someone most people don't get at all - looks, lifestyle or what in hell I would see. See, no one knows this is how I feel. Least of all him,

It is complicated (that sums up my life. When I die that will be my epitaph - It was complicated. I don't choose complication it just kinda happens). It is not worth going in to here either, There is nothing else to say but that, well, it is complicated.

So, I have to now decide what to do. I have options of course - there are always options. I can carry on and pretend. I can ignore things. I can decide that his friendship is worth more than this and I am being stupid. But in the end, in the middle of the night, when we talk in that half dream like state, it is hard not to want more.

So, what happened was probably wrong. What happened may have pushed him away. What happened may have been a huge mistake. Maybe there was a part of me that just wanted to prove to myself that it was possible. That it could happen. That those all night talks, that the all night talk we were having could go somewhere and that I could show him that and that I could walk away and be the friend I have always been.

And I did. I walked on. I didn't look back. I Left the questions unanswered the atmosphere ignored, the tension brewing but put in a box. I walked on and I wondered if it had been right, if it should have been left undone.