fatkidlovescake

ZOMBIES

i joined the zombie group here a while ago and i have to say i'm pretty disappointed. no one there seems to want to speculate on things for themselves. they just hold romero and WWZ as canon and if anyone has a dissenting view they just attack them. but really, lets take a look into a zombie apocalypse.

first you have the disease itself, be it viral or bacterial or whatever. it spreads via bodily fluids. whats that mean? you've got to let them get close to you and start chomping away. you'd better believe that if someone was running around downtown anycity, the cops would be all over that and not too many people would be getting bit. not to mention the fact that the human jaw just isnt that strong. a thick pair of jeans is enough to prevent your skin from breaking in most cases. so out with some thick coats, jeans, boots and work gloves.

there wont be mass destruction. ever notice how in every apocalypse scenario in the movies shits just completely destroyed? why? at what point did someone go 'lets just blow up the entire damn planet'? besides the fact that we simply couldn't reduce every city in the US to rubble (really, we simply dont have enough explosives) why did we do it? zombies are very slow moving and lack all fight or flight sense. they just walk at you. so a large group of soldiers with a lot of ammunition would take care of the defenseless zombies pretty easily. and to go along with this, why is there never any power? i've been inside a few different types of power plants and basically they run themselves. not the huge ones mind you, but honestly are the zombies going to break through the chain link fences around any of the power plants in the world? no.

zombies are just rotting people. so say there is a zombie outbreak and for whatever reason the military cant defeat them and the entire country is overrun. well good news for us because those zombies out there were once your neighbors. what does that mean for you? well the fat guy down the block who couldnt outwalk the zombies earlier is now banging on your door trying to get into your house and eat your delicious meats...or is he? how does he know you're there? his senses of hearing, smell, and sight are only as good as yours...and thats assuming he was turned all of like a day ago. after that he starts to decompose. the mushy parts of you are some of the first to go. especially fats go rancid and are eaten by a multitude of bacteria. your intestines burst and with that comes even more hungry little things waiting to nom nom nom on that zombie. fuck, in a week or two (depending on the temperature) that zombie is so bloated he cant move. at that point all you have to do is stay far enough away to make sure that when they eventually explode you dont get any on you. or you could just wear a rain coat and some goggles. either way pretty easy to avoid. not to mention even if they realized you were hanging out in your house i highly doubt they'd be able to get in. i dont nkow about you, but when i walk into doors and flail against windows they dont really tend to break. shit even if one managed to break your window you dont think you could brain it with something large and heavy before it managed to climb in?

so yeah, i love zombie flicks as much as the next guy. they are very entertaining. but really people, if you think your survival plan is the best and you actually get in an argument over it...well, you just need to get a life at that point.