eireann

Today is my dad's birthday. He's 50, which is supposed to be some sort of milestone, I'm sure.
So, the family is gathering and we're all having dinner at my parents house.
But... instead of my mind being on my father's birthday, my mind is stuck on tomorrow, which just proves to me that I am the worst daughter ever.
See, tomorrow is the one year anniversary of my aunt's passing... And I can't help but look over the past year and wonder how different it's course would have beeen if she had been alive.
The emotions of last year are rushing back... and I sort of feel like I'm a bit apathetic with the world right now. All I can see is that the woman who I spent most of my formative younger years wtih is gone, and my grandfather, my hero, will have been gone for 3 years in a few weeks here.
I guess what's brought all of this to the forefront for me is that a friend of mine just lost her father... and I can't imagine what it's like to lose a parent; but then again, I feel, in many ways, that I already have.
so...that's enough of that...