"And I know that I am fucked up all on my own. I have my own problems but I don't deny them. I try my best, and I try to improve but it doesn't happen overnight. I'm opinionated and "mean". So fucking yay to loneliness. He has no idea what he has done to me and that is the worst part of all."
I know exactly what you mean...I have been in a similar spot and it sucks. But the bad part is (I must admit) that I was the one who said that I could never love her (which was true) and we carried on fucking for a long time. I should have known better......it seems that love doesn't favor me. Its been 6 years since I have been in love although I have dated some awesome people. I feel your pain.