well done *claps hands vigerously* I like it, but i would love to read the whole thing once it's finished...
Anywhores....nah I'm not the lazy/stupid person at work...
my department decided not to do their jobs on Sunday night, so when I got in there on Monday morning, my department was a disaster and I was opening alone...I got there at 9:30 and the store opened at 10:00, normally I'd have enough time to get the basics done but our fucking bitch of a manager called a meeting that started at 9:35 and lasted until 10:00, then she yelled at me for not getting the store ready in time. Thats why I wrote that.....the gorilla does look a bit odd... I prefer the pirate!
Snakes dont run, they slither. Replied the father.
Why? Asked Ichabod.
b/c it sounds kinda weird, with Ichabod asking why they don't run, and the dad just completey sidestepping the question, and being like, oh we slither.... lalala....
I think that that needs to be reworked.
Other than that, I really liked it!! Especially the opening line about orange and purple! Very pretty and descriptive
yeah its stll 'working'... its supposed to be a v6 and its only running on 4 cylinders right now. its getting fixed on saturday. yes it means i'm horiffically broke. but thats life for you.
i'm looking forward to reading the rest of your story.
say, i heard a rumor that you are handing out $20 bills??
Because, answered his father, its what snakes can do.
This reads a wee bit awkwardly to me. I'm not sure what you could change it to, maybe "it's what snakes do" or "that's how we snakes get around". Feel free to ignore my suggestions, you probably know more about writing that I do. I'm just saying. Overall it's quite good. As _medea_ said, "what ages are you aiming at?".
*golf glap...of AWESOME*
I don't think it's "Cuz if." I mean "Kuzziff" or whatever in the sense that the "Kuzziff" is the space between balls and anus, "Kuzziff" it weren't there, your guts would fall out.
I prefer the pirate! 
(stop procrastinating!!)
btw - thanx for the twenty bones
i think you should try to make it down for the SG gathering on Sat. even for a little bit. pretty puweeze?